EPS. 18 When Motherhood Looks Different: One Mom's Story of Working While Raising Neurodiverse Kids - Transcript

Episode 18: When Motherhood Looks Different: One Mom's Story of Working While Raising Neurodiverse Kids - Transcript

[00:04] Christi Gmyr: Welcome to Overcaffeinated and Out of Effs, the podcast for burned out, career-minded moms who are ready to stop pretending everything's fine and feel like themselves again.

[00:15] I'm your host, Christi Gmyr, burnout coach for moms, licensed therapist and mom of two. And I'm here to help you reclaim your energy, your identity, and your peace of mind.

[00:25] Whether you're lying awake thinking about the 87 things you didn't get done or silently resenting the people you love most,

[00:32] This is your space to feel seen, supported, and not so alone.

[00:36] So grab your coffee, hot, cold or day old, and let's get into it.

[00:47] Hey everybody, it's Christi.

[00:49] Welcome to Overcaffeinated and Out of Effs.

[00:53] In today's episode, I'd like to welcome our guest, Melissa Schulz.

[00:57] Melissa is a parenting coach that specializes in supporting parents of strong willed, highly sensitive and neurodiverse kids.

[01:06] She started working with kids with severe behavior challenges when she was just 18 in group homes, specialized schools, and residential treatment centers.

[01:16] From the very beginning, she knew this work was her calling in life. She went on to earn her master's in psychology and became a board certified behavior analyst so she could better support children with behavioral challenges in their families.

[01:28] Along the way, she founded and grew an in home behavioral health company that served kids with autism,

[01:34] building it to a team of 75 employees over 12 years.

[01:38] But her most important role is being a mom to three kids, two of whom are neurodiverse.

[01:45] That combination of education, professional experience and personal life is what inspired Melissa to create her coaching programs. Today she runs individual and group coaching programs designed specifically for parents of strong willed, highly sensitive or neurodiverse kids.

[01:59] So I have invited Melissa here today to share her story of working while raising neurodiverse children and to talk about the challenges she's faced, helpful like strategies, you know, and all of those sorts of things.

[02:13] So,

[02:14] Melissa, thank you so much for being here today. I'm so excited to have you here.

[02:19] Melissa Schulz: Me too. Thank you so much for having me.

[02:21] Christi Gmyr: Yeah, of course.

[02:23] So do you mind maybe just starting off a little bit and letting us know, you know, just a little bit about yourself and your family and your work? All of those kinds of things.

[02:32] Melissa Schulz: Yeah, yeah. Like so you did a beautiful introduction. Thank you. But yeah. My name is Melissa. I've been married to my husband Brian for 18 years. I think I. I'm bad at keeping drunk for a long time.

[02:44] And we have three kids. Oldest is about to turn 12 and then my daughter is 10 and then my youngest son is 4.

[02:52] And yeah, I think before having kids I always thought I would be a stay at home mom.

[02:58] And then I started my first business and like, really felt like that was my calling and what I wanted to be doing. And then I got pregnant with my oldest.

[03:06] So now I, you know, I've realized since that like, working makes me a better mom.

[03:11] It's like really the best of both worlds for me, even though it has its own challenges.

[03:17] Yeah, I've loved like, you know, being an entrepreneur in business and then using my background and personal experience to help other moms just brings me some so much joy.

[03:27] Christi Gmyr: Yeah, yeah, no, absolutely. And I, I have to say I,

[03:31] that resonates with me so much. Just this idea of wanting to be a stay at home mom initially, but then realizing that work is really the right, the right decision for you.

[03:41] I mean, I felt that exact same way and I'm sure a lot of people can, can relate to that. So.

[03:46] Melissa Schulz: Yeah.

[03:47] Christi Gmyr: So I'm wondering if you would mind just kind of helping us to sort of form a picture a little bit. Like, what does life look for for you, look like for you as a working mom with neurodiverse children?

[04:00] Melissa Schulz: Yeah. So actually for the past four or five years, until very recently, my husband was a stay at home dad.

[04:09] So he actually felt like that was his calling to be at home. And I got to work and it was like a very happy,

[04:17] non traditional thing that was working for both of us. And when our youngest started school, he just started working going back to work. He's been a special education teacher for a long time.

[04:27] But yeah, I think there's, you know,

[04:30] I've tried a lot of different versions of work being a working mom. There was like, you know, trying to work at home with my kids when they were little.

[04:38] But then really I felt like I was not doing either well because of big phone call that I had to be on right when the, you know, baby was crying or something.

[04:48] And then there's the adjustment to like having different people take care of your kids and finding all those environments.

[04:53] I think what I have come to realize is like it's always going to be, there's always going to be tension.

[05:03] Christi Gmyr: Right.

[05:03] Melissa Schulz: Like whenever I'm working, I am going to be missing, you know, maybe getting to pick my kids up from school or maybe I can't. I try to go on lots of field trips, but I can't go on all of them.

[05:10] And so I'm going to be missing some of that stuff.

[05:13] Christi Gmyr: But.

[05:14] Melissa Schulz: And then sometimes at Home. I really want to finish that project at work because I'm really into it, or I really want to do this thing, and I'm with my kids, so there's always going to be that tug.

[05:21] But just getting to do both makes me,

[05:25] like, brings me a lot of joy like that. So I don't. I'm not ever looking for the perfect balance,

[05:29] but I'm really just looking to, like, be present with what I'm doing and enjoy what I'm doing and letting go of the rest. I think my kids are lucky to get to grow up with an example of a mom who for a long time supported the whole household to have such an involved,

[05:43] wonderful dad that wanted to stay home with them.

[05:45] And so I think there's a lot.

[05:47] I'll. I'll get a lot more out of it than we're giving up.

[05:50] Christi Gmyr: Yeah, yeah. No, absolutely. And I'm glad that you said that, too, you know, because I. Again, I think that that's something that a lot of moms really need to hear, you know, that not only is it okay to go and work for ourselves, especially if it's.

[06:06] Well, for starters, some moms feel like they need to work, but also not want to work. Right. And so.

[06:11] But. But there can be a lot of guilt associated with it, you know, this idea of, like, what am I doing, like, to my kids? Should I, you know,

[06:19] Like, do I. Should I be staying home with them? And that sort of thing. But I think a lot of times we forget that there's value in that, too. Not just for us, but for our kids as well.

[06:28] You know, what are they learning? So.

[06:31] So, yeah, we've had a great experience.

[06:32] Melissa Schulz: With other, you know,

[06:34] either babysitters or daycares or, you know, whatever. We have found to be the best fit for our kids at that time. Like, just other people like to be part of our village that, like, loved our kids and, you know, taught them a lot of things that I didn't think of teaching them.

[06:48] So I kind of love that that village has been bigger and there's. They've had a lot of different positive influences and people that have loved them. So.

[06:55] Christi Gmyr: Yeah. Yeah. That's amazing.

[06:56] Melissa Schulz: A good thing to come out of it.

[06:58] Christi Gmyr: That's amazing. Yeah. Village is so important, you know, and not everybody really has a great village, but I. It is so important. I'm glad to hear that, you know, that you have that.

[07:07] Melissa Schulz: So, yeah.

[07:07] Christi Gmyr: One of the things that I was wondering about is, you know, what some of the biggest challenges that you face when you were trying to,

[07:15] when you were trying to balance a demanding career with the needs of your children.

[07:20] Melissa Schulz: Yeah,

[07:22] there's, yeah. Since I have two neuro spicy kids right there, they are higher needs. I would call all the kids, you know, the strong will, highly sensitive neurodiversals are all just like higher needs kids.

[07:32] Like they're wonderful kids. It's not their fault, but just because of their personality or the way their brain works.

[07:37] Christi Gmyr: Right.

[07:37] Melissa Schulz: They just need more.

[07:40] And yeah, I have chosen to, you know,

[07:44] have more challenging careers that also demands a lot.

[07:47] So something that I continue to work on and it's kind of been a journey that I really try to support moms in is like, I think of like capacity a lot.

[07:56] Like how much can hand, like capacity, like how much you can hold.

[07:59] Christi Gmyr: Right.

[08:00] Melissa Schulz: I, you know, we kind of come with like a certain amount of capacity and I think of it as like I'm, I'm like holding a coffee cup of my hands. I know no one can see me, but I imagine a coffee cup and like that's how much you can hold.

[08:11] And most of us, especially when we're balancing family and high needs kids and work, like the coffee cup is always filled to the brim and so we feel burnt out and just like at our max and like at our limit.

[08:23] But like we don't, we can't get rid of the kids, we can't, you know, quit our job. You know, we feel really stuck. And so something that I deeply believe and have worked on is like increasing my capacity.

[08:35] Like if my life needs more than I have, like I can grow my own capacity to handle more. So I think of like keeping the kids on the job and all the things, but just getting a much bigger coffee cup so there is more margin and space.

[08:48] So that's been like a big part of my personal and professional journey is like how to grow my capacity as a mom.

[08:56] So even though my kids do need more than maybe other kids and I have chosen, you know, to be an entrepreneur, which is a challenging, you know, career,

[09:05] I,

[09:06] I, it's, it's fine.

[09:08] Like not that it's nowhere near perfect and of course we have different days, but overall I'm like, yeah, I can totally handle this. I got this.

[09:16] That's just a very happy way to go through life versus like always just feeling burned out.

[09:22] Christi Gmyr: Yeah. And well, and when you talk about capacity, right, so you're talking about the coffee cup and of course everybody, you know, one thing that I feel like is important to mention is everybody's cup is a different size.

[09:32] You know, you talk about a cup. I usually talk about a plate. But the same idea, right, that you can,

[09:37] you know, work on sort of expanding the size of your plate or also, like, strategies to help reduce what's on it to begin with. Right, so both of those sorts of things.

[09:45] Right. And so. But to your point, sort of doing different things to affect, like,

[09:51] what you can handle, because everybody's. Everybody's gonna have those limits, you know?

[09:56] You know, it's important to pay attention to.

[09:58] So were there ever a moment when you felt like you were at your breaking point? Like, when your coffee cup was spilling over here, maybe was completely spilled over, overflowing.

[10:09] Like, what did that look like for you?

[10:12] Melissa Schulz: I.

[10:13] So I have a recent example. Like, it was like, I was celebrating it as a win because it was like, a good example of capacity growth, but definitely, like, hit the limit.

[10:21] So I have,

[10:24] you know, my kids have just different challenges, and all of their behaviors can be, you know, our kids behaviors can be triggering,

[10:31] and they affect all of us differently for different reasons. So there's this one behavior of one of my kids that is, like, particularly triggering for me.

[10:39] I've been doing the work on it, so I'm not so triggered, because when it first started happening, it was just like,

[10:45] I had a very hard time managing, like, managing my own emotions around it. So doing a lot of my own work on the triggers and, like, knowing what it's. It's more like something that I can't fix, and that's My trigger is, like, not being able to fix it.

[10:58] So doing a lot of work on that.

[11:01] This behavior happened once a couple months ago for basically three days straight. And when this happens, this child is, like, glued to my side doing this thing,

[11:11] and there's really not nothing that I can do. It's really like a wait it out kind of thing. Like,

[11:17] be calm and emotionally supportive, and I can't fix it.

[11:19] So three days is a really long time for that to happen.

[11:25] Like a previous version of me would. It, like, after 20 minutes was like, I am out. Like, I need to switch with my husband. I need to go, you know, take a break, whatever.

[11:33] So it was like the. The morning of the next day, though,

[11:37] after three days of this, we wake up on the fourth morning, and it's, like, still happening. And then I think, like,

[11:42] my husband was really sweet and, like, made me, like, oatmeal or something for breakfast. And then one of my kids ate my oatmeal.

[11:47] Christi Gmyr: And then I was.

[11:49] Melissa Schulz: And like, I, you know, I get hangry. So like we usually don't mess with mom's food. They usually know better than that. And then I have like this little caffeine drink that I like and I had like filled it up and then another kid was came and gave me like a barrel hug.

[12:01] So sweet. But it made the drinks spill everywhere. Oh no,

[12:05] that was definitely like a limit. But like I was able. I just like put down the cup.

[12:11] I said calmly to my husband, can you please clean this up? And I like went and I locked myself in my room and I cried for a while and I didn't yell at anyone.

[12:19] So it was like that was definitely a breaking point. But I was like, I still celebrated it as a win that I lasted that long. And even when I did hit that breaking point, I was like,

[12:27] I like how I handled it.

[12:31] Yeah, that's one of many.

[12:32] Christi Gmyr: Yeah, yeah, no,

[12:34] that's absolutely a win. I mean I'm just listening to you talk and I'm sort of picturing this scene, this scenario like in my head. I mean I'm sure that we've all sort of had our own versions of something like very, very similar.

[12:46] But. Yeah, no, but the fact that you were able to like leave the room, have a good cry,

[12:52] have your husband take over, like all good things, you know,

[12:56] and,

[12:56] and those are great things to do in the moment. And I imagine, you know, with these things happening, you know, it sounds like you've learned a lot of things that are helpful.

[13:05] So what have, what have you found? Are some of the things like on the like the really, really hard days, [13:11] like what are some of the things that keep you grounded?

[13:15] Melissa Schulz: Yeah, I like really like I,

[13:18] I like to call it like having a well managed mind. Like I just really spend, spend intentional time working on my own brain and my own thoughts about my kids behavior because I, you know, they, their brains process the world differently.

[13:30] So while I know lots about behavior, we can do everything for the behavior. It's not all gonna like some of that is just there's like the acceptance of that and I can, it's really more working on deeply accepting it, understanding it and being okay with some of it.

[13:43] So on the harder days I, if I can take a step back and really like spend some time just noticing my thoughts and you know, taking really good care of them.

[13:53] I try to make sure like my self care routine is on point. So I know for me like if I get a workout in, in the morning before the kids get up, I spend some time like praying I have like a Gratitude practice in the morning, that really helps.

[14:06] At night, I really like to take baths. None of this happens every day, but I try to do as many things as I can. I try to do more on the hard days.

[14:14] So yeah, like, I love like a nice bath at the end of the day and just sitting in there relaxing.

[14:19] So yeah, I think prioritizing my own self care more when it gets rough and then like asking for help, like, I'm lucky to have a wonderful partner.

[14:31] We definitely switch off all the time when one of us, you know, we each hit our breaking points and that's when we can tap out. And that's really effective sometimes for the kids because they're just mad at the faces in front of them.

[14:42] So when another face comes up, that can just even help reset what's going on. But it also helps for us to know.

[14:48] Christi Gmyr: Yeah.

[14:48] Melissa Schulz: That we have a support.

[14:52] Christi Gmyr: And it sounds like the kids might respond differently to a different face. But also sounds like you two sort of have this awareness and you're able to work together as a team of like,

[15:01] okay, I know I'm at my limit. I. I need help. I can't do this right now. [15:07] So tag out. You tag in. We're going to swap and like later maybe we'll.

[15:11] Melissa Schulz: We'll swap back or something like that. Exactly. Okay.

[15:14] Christi Gmyr: Okay. Well. And did you always like, you talk about your self care routine, like being really on point and how important that is?

[15:20] Melissa Schulz: Yeah.

[15:20] Christi Gmyr: Was it, did you always sort of know to do that, to prioritize that or were there any, like moments where,

[15:26] you know, you realized that something did have to change in terms of how you were approaching work, how you were approaching motherhood, you know, all of those kinds of things.

[15:35] Melissa Schulz: Yeah, I think growing up it was really just like, I was always a very high achiever, high performer and I would just like do all the things and I didn't really take good care of myself or think about taking care of myself.

[15:46] I just wanted to like, I just really like checking off all the check boxes. And that worked really well until I had a business and then two kids under two.

[15:55] Then it was like, okay, this is not, you know, my body started not liking the fact that I was not taking care of it.

[16:02] And I,

[16:02] I've always had like a very anxious brain.

[16:05] And so,

[16:07] yeah, I just was kind of noticing the pattern of ignoring these things was, you know, no longer sustainable. And so that kind of started more of a journey of like,

[16:15] you know, I want to be the best mom I can be the best entrepreneur and leader I can be.

[16:20] And,

[16:22] yeah, you have to take care of your body if. And be grateful for your body for all it's doing for you. And so that kind of started a journey that I'm still on.

[16:31] I still have a long ways to go, but really.

[16:34] Yeah.

[16:35] Taking care of myself so I can take care of everyone better.

[16:38] Yeah.

[16:38] Christi Gmyr: And I feel like our journeys never really end. Right. We're just. We're always sort of growing. We're always changing, we're always improving. You know, it's like it's an ongoing. It's an ongoing thing, I feel like.

[16:49] Melissa Schulz: Yeah.

[16:51] Christi Gmyr: So then. Okay, so a little going back to something that you had said a little bit ago. You know, you were talking about your support system. You were talking about how you're very fortunate to have a great support system.

[17:01] I'm curious, like,

[17:02] how did the attention experiences that you did have,

[17:06] how did those shape your relationships or shape that support system?

[17:14] Melissa Schulz: Like, the experiences as a mom, like.

[17:17] Christi Gmyr: As a mom, specifically of neurodiverse children, did you find that those experiences did shape that. Shape that system. Support system at all?

[17:28] Melissa Schulz: I think it's. It's definitely harder to find the right support system with my kids because it can't just. And I mean, I don't think it can be just anyone for any kids,

[17:41] but it does require,

[17:43] yeah. More of a certain type of person to,

[17:47] you know, leave my kids with that. They're comfortable with that. I'm comfortable with that. I know will respond in ways that are going to be helpful for them.

[17:54] And then just sometimes it's like, just not misunderstanding their behaviors like, I have my child with ADHD is wonderful.

[18:03] They are just in a spot where they. It's. It's. They've come a long way, but they're in a spot where they just think they're, like, on the same level as an adult.

[18:11] And I kind of always thought that. And they talk like that because that's how it works in their brain with adhd. It comes out before they think.

[18:18] Christi Gmyr: Right. So.

[18:20] Melissa Schulz: Less now. But often for a while, things would come out sounding rude.

[18:24] Like, it would sound maybe like disrespectful or rude.

[18:28] Now, this kid usually wasn't being rude. Sometimes they were, but often they weren't. They were just talking. And so we would need to be careful about the adults around them, because if they were with an adult that took that as like.

[18:41] Like, hey, you know, don't be rude. Like, then. Then we have fireworks.

[18:45] Christi Gmyr: Right.

[18:46] Melissa Schulz: But if someone can just be like, oh, you know what? That sounded a little Bit rude. Could you say that again?

[18:52] Then my kid will totally self work great. And now we all understand each other and like,

[18:58] yeah, it's definitely like more maybe coaching for people or just making sure they kind of have the right perspective or personality fit.

[19:06] So I think it has been required a lot more effort to find people. It can't just be like, whoever happens to live next to us necessarily to make sure they can manage the unique needs, but we've found those people for sure.

[19:19] Christi Gmyr: Okay, well, good. And yeah, and so you talk about like coaching. It sounds like there are a lot of, you know, conversations that are had, you know, with the people who are going to be supporting you just to help them understand and.

[19:29] Yeah,

19:30] it sounds like, help them like, understand like how they can respond in these situations. Like that. Well, and to that point, you know,

[19:38] I'm curious, like, what are some things that you just wish, not necessarily your support system, but just society in general?

[19:45] What are some things that you wish more people knew about raising these kids?

[19:51] Melissa Schulz: Yeah, I think people can often just. They'll assume the worst.

[19:57] Christi Gmyr: Right.

[19:57] Melissa Schulz: I think in general, humans tend to have that negativity. You know, we have that negativity bias where we kind of assume the worst. So if we do see a kid,

[20:04] you know, being rude or talking back to an adult, we assume that they're a bad kid and they're doing it on purpose.

[20:09] And so I like to live all of my life, but especially with kids, like just always assuming the best, like assuming this is a good kid who's just having a hard time.

[20:19] That leads me to more curiosity and like, how can I help them? What's going on for them versus like assuming that they're a bad kid and they're doing it on purpose.

[20:25] And so I think, like, the more in general is the world can assume positive intent from each other versus assuming the worst. But especially when we're dealing with a kid who might look typical and not have, you know, especially these invisible disabilities or challenges, they look the same.

[20:42] But we could assume that. Yeah, maybe. Like, what if we just assume all kids process information a little bit differently and give every kid the benefit of the doubt and then are just curious about what comes up?

[20:51] I think the world would be a better place in general.

[20:54] Christi Gmyr: Okay, okay. Well, and then what about, what about for the mom specifically? Like, what would you say to a mom who maybe feels like no one else could possibly understand, like, what she's going through?

[21:06] Melissa Schulz: Yeah, like,

[21:07] so I talk to those moms like back to back to back every single day and so,

[21:13] like, I would just want that mom to know she is not alone.

[21:15] And so I think, like, there's so much guilt around it. And often as moms, we feel like it's our fault,

[21:21] the behaviors are our fault, and it must mean that we're a bad mom or we have a bad kid. And that is absolutely not true.

[21:26] Um, yeah, if you're listening to podcasts like this, right, you, like, you love your kids, you're doing your very, very best.

[21:31] Some kids just do have more needs and more challenges than others.

[21:36] But I would really want those moms to know that even if there's not, like, sometimes it just isn't happening with other people in our immediate circle. So we feel like we're the only ones, but there are so many good moms out there struggling with the exact same same things that you are.

[21:52] Christi Gmyr: Okay, okay. Which, yeah, I think is, like, really important too, to. To mention too, just because one of the goals of this podcast, I feel like so many moms really struggle with this idea that the things that they are, the challenges that they're experiencing, they are experiencing them alone.

[22:09] Right. And so one of the goals of this podcast is really just to kind of have. Have people on to share their stories because I really want people to. To really be able to know and understand.

[22:20] Like, no, there are other. It's not just, you know,

[22:23] yes, it's your experience, but there are other people who are going through similar things who, who maybe can understand or maybe don't understand exactly what you're going through, but they can understand that, that it's still a challenge.

[22:33] Raising kids is still a challenge. And, you know, when we're all sort of going through our own version of it.

[22:39] Melissa Schulz: Yeah, exactly. Like, I did one on one, I've done do one on one coaching. So I work, you know, one on one with a mom or a dad,

[22:46] which is so much fun and wonderful. But then I. Yeah, in the last year, I started group coaching programs because it really was getting to the point where, you know, five, six calls a day, and they're all.

[22:55] It's the exact same thing, but each one feels alone because they don't know anyone personally.

[22:59] So it's like putting all of those together,

[23:02] putting those wonderful moms together in a group. And now there's like, so much like, oh, my gosh, me too. Or like, yes, that's happening. Like, they don't know anyone else in their immediate circle that's struggling with that.

[23:11] But there are so many, many other moms that are struggling.

[23:14] Christi Gmyr: Yeah, yeah, no, absolutely.

[23:16] So for any moms who are listening, who maybe are raising, you know, strong willed, highly sensitive or neurodiverse kids, and they're feeling burned out, they're really, you know, having,

[23:27] you know, a hard time. What are some small shifts? What are some small things that they could start doing now just to help them feel less overwhelmed?

[23:39] Melissa Schulz: Yeah, I think,

[23:42] yeah, like maybe just noticing the inputs, like how you are taking care of yourself is a big one. But like, it's definitely more than like, you know, getting a massage.

[23:50] Right. Like if you get a massage right, like, those are great. Like, please get them. But like,

[23:55] whatever thoughts that you're having, you know, the story that's in your head that's making you stress out all the time is probably still going to be there after the massage.

[24:03] And so do all of that stuff, have good habits, take care of your body. But I think it really is also just really kind of knowing all the things that your brain is telling you and not necessarily believing it.

[24:15] So, like, we don't have to believe that we're bad moms just because our kid is acting up. We don't have to feel guilty because we're going to work.

[24:23] So really, like getting more healthy perspectives on things can just make the biggest difference.

[24:29] Christi Gmyr: Well, and I think too, you know, and I a hundred percent agree with that and that and to go along with this idea of we don't have to believe the thoughts, is it to challenge the thoughts? [24:39] Right. So challenges when, when we notice the thoughts that we're having,

[24:43] you know, actually taking time to take a step back and sort of explore what we know to be true and to not to be not true and then to sort of use that to create the new thought that. [24:56] That feels more. That feels more true.

[24:59] Yeah.

[24:59] Melissa Schulz: And they're just more helpful,

[25:01] you know, in the moment. If in the moment my kid is having a meltdown in the grocery store and all I'm thinking about is how I'm a terrible mom and you know, everyone's looking at me and this shouldn't be happening.

[25:09] Like,

[25:10] those aren't true and like that's definitely not helpful to be.

[25:14] Christi Gmyr: Right.

[25:14] Melissa Schulz: Those thoughts are going to make me feel even more triggered by, by that. So, yeah, I really like to spend more time, like just in gratitude for each of my kids.

[25:22] I,

[25:23] as much as I can with my negative brain,

[25:26] I like to.

[25:27] Yeah, just like, you know, in those moments, I'm like, okay, my kid is doing the very best they can now. They're just having a hard time.

[25:33] Christi Gmyr: Right.

[25:34] Melissa Schulz: I'm doing the Best I can with the tools I have. And I. Maybe I'm having a hard time and that's okay too.

[25:39] And so just like having a more compassionate or even like curious like, huh, I wonder why they're doing that right now versus like, oh, this shouldn't be happening.

[25:47] And make a very big difference in kind of staying more calm and regulated in that moment.

[25:52] Christi Gmyr: Yeah. To look at situations through a lens of curiosity. Right. Rather than, rather than assumptions.

[25:59] Yeah, yeah,

[26:00] yeah, yeah. No, that makes a lot of sense.

[26:03] So for people who want to,

[26:05] you know, learn more about you, learn more about the work that you do, you know, the programs that you offer,

[26:10] where can they go to do that?

[26:12] Melissa Schulz: Yeah, so they can go to my website. It's melissaschultz.com and I have a free E guide that they can download. It's how to get kids to listen.

[26:22] And so I highly recommend downloading that.

[26:24] That'll get you on my email list too. And I do, you know, usually different webinars or just different free things to support moms of high needs kids, usually about once a month.

[26:33] So you'll be the first to know about the different events that I do. And then I also do offer a free one hour consultation.

[26:40] So if any, you know, if you're a mom listening to this and you do have a strong willed, highly sensitive or neurodiverse kid and you are really looking for more support and help or you want to grow your capacity, you want to know the best way to manage their behaviors.

[26:53] I would love to talk to you for an hour. It's free.

[26:56] And I can help get you on the path to.

[26:58] Yeah. Getting the support you need.

[27:00] Christi Gmyr: Okay, great, great. And so as always, you know, I will make sure that all that information is included in the show notes for anybody who wants to learn more about Melissa and the work that she does.

[27:12] So before we wrap up for today, you know, if you could leave the moms who are listening, you know, who are,

[27:19] you know, these strong willed, highly sensitive or neurodiverse kids,

[27:24] what would be like if you could leave them with one final piece of advice, one final message, you know, what would that be?

[27:31] Melissa Schulz: Yeah, I think I just want them to know that they're good moms and they're doing their best.

[27:36] Um, and so like, yeah, I want you, whoever you're listening to that and that's. You just know that I know, I see you and I know that you're a really good mom and your kids behaviors and challenges are not a reflection of your value as a mom or your success.

[27:49] As a mom,

[27:50] but also it can get so much better. And so even if you've tried other things that haven't worked, there are definitely things that can work for your kid to make it so much easier for both of you.

[28:00] And I just really want, you know, these moms to be able to enjoy their kids more. Sometimes the challenges suck all the joy out of parenting these people that we love so much.

[28:10] And so, yeah, there's just so much more joy available.

[28:13] Christi Gmyr: Yeah. I mean, that's such a great point. Right? Is that, you know, parenting is challenging, but, like, who wants to be joyful, too?

[28:20] Melissa Schulz: Yes.

[28:20] Christi Gmyr: Yeah. We want to enjoy these years. Yeah. No, that. That makes. Yeah, I agree with that 100 percent.

[28:26] All right, well, thank you again so much for being here. As I said before. I think I said before, you know, I know we're all so busy. I imagine you are very busy, too, and I really appreciate you taking your time.

[28:35] Time out of your day to talk to me.

[28:38] You know, I guess I think that this is going to be wonderful for the moms who are listening,

[28:43] and as always, for the moms who are listening. You know, if any of this resonates, if you found it to be the things we talked about today to be helpful, you know, please share this podcast with any other moms that could maybe use some additional support,

[28:57] because we are. We are all in this together.

[29:00] Yeah.

[29:00] Melissa Schulz: Thank you so much for having me.