EPS. 15 Preparation and Peace of Mind: How Simple Skills Can Help Working Moms Beat Burnout - Transcript
Episode 15: Preparation and Peace of Mind: How Simple Skills Can Help Working Moms Beat Burnout - Transcript
[00:04] Christi Gmyr: Welcome to Overcaffeinated and Out of Effs, the podcast for burned out, career-minded moms who are ready to stop pretending everything's fine and feel like themselves again.
[00:15] I'm your host, Christi Gmyr, burnout coach for moms, licensed therapist and mom of two. And I'm here to help you reclaim your energy, your identity, and your peace of mind.
[00:25] Whether you're lying awake thinking about the 87 things you didn't get done or silently resenting the people you love most,
[00:32] This is your space to feel seen, supported, and not so alone.
[00:36] So grab your coffee, hot, cold or day old, and let's get into it.
[00:47] Before I introduce today's guest, I just wanted to give you all a quick reminder and heads up about the audio affecting a few episodes.
[00:55] This being one of them.
[00:57] As you heard me explain if you listened last week, I was unfortunately having some audio issues on my end during a few of the recordings.
[01:05] I did, however, get them resolved for future interviews.
[01:09] This particular conversation was great otherwise and I believe it will be very valuable to many of you listening. So again, just wanted to give you a heads up and I sincerely apologize.
[01:23] Hey everybody, it's Christi.
[01:25] Welcome to Overcaffeinated and Out of Effs.
[01:29] In today's episode, I'd like to welcome our guest, Wendi Bergin.
[01:33] Wendi is the host of the Joyfully Prepared podcast and a mom of seven who believes that preparedness should bring peace, not panic.
[01:43] Growing up with parents of grandparents who model self reliance, she's carried those lessons into her own life,
[01:49] teaching women how simple skills like meal planning, food storage, homesteading can create calm instead of chaos.
[01:58] Through her podcast and workshops, Wendi encourages moms to see preparedness not as one more thing on the to do list,
[02:06] but as a gentle form of self care and confidence.
[02:09] Her mission is to help families feel steady, supported and joyfully prepared right where they are.
[02:15] So I've invited Wendi here today to talk a little bit about how preparedness is tied to mind,
[02:23] how those things can reduce burnout for working moms, and to share some practical strategies to help with us.
[02:30] So Wendi, thank you so much for being here today.
[02:35] Wendi Bergin: Thank you for having me. I'm so excited.
[02:37] Christi Gmyr: Yeah, me too. I'm like really interested. I'm so excited about this conversation because as I was saying a little bit ago, you know,
[02:46] I think that you are going to offer so much value and really help these moms in terms of like getting strategies and managing some of their burnout in ways that maybe they haven't necessarily really thought about before.
[02:59] So I'm wondering, you know, just to kind of get us started, do you mind just sharing a little bit about yourself background and what led you to start joyfully prepare?
[03:08] Wendi Bergin: Yeah, thank you.
[03:09] I appreciate it.
[03:12] I grew up in central Virginia, Charlottesville area. That's where my dad was born and my grandfather moved to when he was a young man.
[03:21] And my,
[03:24] that's, that's kind of the beginning of me. I'm the oldest of four kids. I'm went and did the college and other kinds of adventures and I married my husband. We actually met in a chat room on AOL about back in 1996.
[03:39] Like we were the first one of the first couples and we're still together 28 years later. We've been married years.
[03:46] I know it's a win. It's a win.
[03:49] And so I moved up to New Jersey. I was in Charlottesville, Virginia and I moved to New Jersey and married my husband.
[03:57] And he had two children from his first marriage and then we had five together. So we have seven children.
[04:04] And I've always been preparedness minded because of my parents and my grandparents.
[04:11] And I just find peace in being prepared. And I notice even the older I get,
[04:19] the more like if I'm getting ready to go on a trip and I start feeling that anxiety, I'm like, what is going on?
[04:25] I'm like, oh, I'm not prepared yet. Like the bag isn't packed, like it's two or three days out. And I'm like,
[04:30] calm down lady. It's going to be all right. You know what you need to do.
[04:34] So really preparedness prevents panic.
[04:40] Christi Gmyr: Yeah, yeah, no, I can, I can certainly understand that. I'm very much the same way. To a degree.
[04:47] Wendi Bergin: To a degree I think we all are. Yeah.
[04:49] Christi Gmyr: Yeah. Well, so okay, you were mentioning a little bit ago, you know, your grandparents, your parents modeling this for you. So how did that ultimately like shape your own approach to self sufficiency and you know, peace of mind that you've talked about?
[05:02] Wendi Bergin: Yeah, thank you for asking.
[05:04] So a lot of people when they ask you for your story, like how did you get here? Mine starts before I'm even born and before my parents were even born.
[05:13] My grandparents lived in Charlottesville,
[05:16] Leroy and Viola and their church told them that they needed to put up. This was in 1938. Told them that they needed to put up two years supply of food and other supplies in order to stay in business, in order to feed yourself.
[05:32] And so they're like, okay.
[05:34] And so my grandfather and my great grandmother Maggie, they put up over 1800 jars of food over the course of a couple years.
[05:44] And that's with no air conditioning in Virginia. It was hot and sweaty.
[05:50] So my grandpa was a landscaper. They called him nurseryman back then.
[05:55] And he chose to apply the same principles to his business. So he put up chains and tires,
[06:01] anything he needed to stay in business for two years.
[06:04] And in 1940, at the end of 1941, United States entered World War II.
[06:11] And immediately food and supplies needed to be sent over overseas to the war efforts and the United States. The people of the United States were put on what's called ration stamps.
[06:22] So you could go to the local,
[06:24] I don't know, facility and have your ration stamps and get your cheese and your bread, whatever.
[06:30] Well, because my grandparents put up all this food,
[06:33] they never had to use one of their ration stamps, not one.
[06:37] And my grandfather was the only landscaper to stay in business during that time.
[06:42] And so my story starts in my DNA, I guess, for lack of a better word. And my mom grew. This is my dad's parents. My mom grew up in very rural Idaho.
[06:54] And as the youngest of nine children, she grew up with a potato seller, a root cellar, and her mom,
[07:01] you know, made all their clothes and worked and everything. So on both sides of my family is really the story of my preparedness as well.
[07:12] Christi Gmyr: Wow. So, yeah, it really goes way back. Like we've been ingrained in you since the very, very beginning.
[07:20] Wendi Bergin: Exactly.
[07:21] Christi Gmyr: So, okay, so this has been something that's always been part of your life, you know. So what would you say was the turning point for you when you realized that the skills were tied to, you know, healing?
[07:32] And you talk about self respect, self care. Am I talking a little bit about that?
[07:38] Wendi Bergin: I would. Thank you for asking. And it's funny, I. As I was pondering this,
[07:44] I realize it's only been in the last couple years that this idea of preparedness,
[07:50] of learning skills and developing talents, that it's directly applied and linked to our self care and our self worth.
[08:02] Because I went through a difficult time with my own family and I kind of had to buckle down a little bit.
[08:10] I'm a. A woman of faith,
[08:12] and I was during this difficult time.
[08:16] I feel like it was communicated to me that this is an opportunity for you to focus on yourself because you are burnt out.
[08:25] I raised seven kids. I homeschooled for 17 years.
[08:29] And although I didn't work outside the home,
[08:33] I was very busy. I mean, just like every mother.
[08:36] Every mother is the same, but different. Right. We have the same story. But it's a different story.
[08:42] And I was tired, and I thought as a mom, I was supposed to do everything I thought I was supposed to.
[08:49] And I learned over these last couple years that, no, I'm actually not supposed to do everything.
[08:55] I'm actually supposed to take care of myself first.
[08:58] And that's what I say on my podcast and to the other women that I coach.
[09:02] The three principles of self reliance are. Number one, you take care of yourself.
[09:08] You have to put the effort into your bucket.
[09:11] The cliche term is put the oxygen mask on your face first before you can serve other people.
[09:17] And part of that is doing the things that bring you joy. And by developing skills, not only can you feed yourself, if you will,
[09:27] both in spirit and physically in some cases,
[09:31] but then you have the ability to go and feed your family and care for them. There's a second principle is take care of those who you love the most.
[09:39] And then the third is to take care of your community,
[09:42] but by filling your bucket first, by doing the things that you love and that you. That bring you joy and carving out that time as a form of self care.
[09:52] I don't like saying that all the time because I've feel like it's becoming trite because it's not just spa days and manicures and, you know,
[10:01] it's literally you set aside time for you to learn and to develop. And that's what I've learned as. Even though I've always done that as just part of my energy and personality,
[10:15] I've learned that in the last couple years that it's
those things that bring me the most joy,
[10:21] that fill my bucket. And then I'm able to go and serve my family and my community.
[10:28] Christi Gmyr: Well, yeah. And I mean, you talk about, you know, feeling, you know, burned out yourself, you know, juggling all these things. And a lot of the moms who listen to this podcast are feeling similarly.
[10:38] You know, they are incredibly overwhelmed and burned out.
[10:41] And I think, you know, for a lot of people, there's this, you know, they're kind of focusing on the next thing, right? Like what's happening right now and everything else.
[10:50] So they're not necessarily thinking ahead because there just is so much stuff floating around in their mind at any given time.
[10:58] So, I mean, how do you see preparedness, that it's helping them to feel calmer and more in control?
[11:03] Wendi Bergin: That's a wonderful question.
[11:05] So mothers are already doing it. Like, even you don't even know that you're already prepared. And the simplest object lesson in that is Your diaper bag.
[11:16] When, you know, when those little babies are little and they have to have diapers and bottles and food,
[11:21] you're always making sure that that diaper bag is full. Right.
[11:25] Because if you don't and you go out in public and they have a blowout and you don't have a diaper,
[11:32] you're the one who's going to be sorry and the baby's not going to be happy about it either. And then you get very creative with how you deal with that.
[11:39] Right.
[11:40] We are very creative creatures,
[11:42] we women.
[11:44] But when you know that your diaper bag is packed as you come home and that's always in the forefront of your mind because you don't, whether you're taking your children to daycare, whether you're taking them just to the grocery store or to Target or the park,
[11:57] you always know that you have food in there, water in there,
[12:01] the formula, diapers, an extra or two changes of clothes. And so really the diaper bag is such a perfect example of how not to feel panicked because you're prepared.
[12:14] Christi Gmyr: Yeah. And you use, I mean you actually use that phrase prepared, not panic. And I feel like we've all been there before, we've all had those instances. At least I have, you know, where I thought I was,
[12:26] you know, potty accident with a child and not feel prepared. And it is, it's very stressful, you know. So yeah, I can certainly understand why the diaper bag is a really good example because it's something I think we can all relate to.
[12:41] Wendi Bergin: Yes.
[12:42] Christi Gmyr: So then how would you say, how can like having even basic stone storage, you know, or self reliance skills,
[12:50] you know, to help these moms to reduce stress in their day to day lives.
[12:55] Wendi Bergin: Yeah.
[12:56] So moms,
[12:58] moms are amazing. Honestly, like it tears me up. As I've developed more and more self worth as a mother,
[13:05] I am amazed at how amazing we are because some of us have one or two children and I'm not disqualified. My point is, and some of us have seven like me or more like my grandma.
[13:17] But it doesn't matter because each child is individual.
[13:21] In most cases, each child is a different age.
[13:25] And so this mother has to think through so many different things in order to care for each child as an individual.
[13:34] Some things can be lumped together, but others can't.
[13:38] I had a, what, she's 17 year old when I had my last baby. I was 42 when I had my super surprise bonus baby. That's what I call her.
[13:47] And so now I have a 17 year old and A newborn and all these other ones in between, like a little accordion. I have to get them still to softball practice or baseball practice or dance.
[13:58] I have to make sure the baby's fed and cared for. Cause obviously she's helpless.
[14:04] But I have to also deal with all of the different emotional things going on.
[14:08] So by having a simple food storage.
[14:11] And if I can define that, what I define a food storage is, is not just random bags of chips and Oreos. Those are helpful, trust me. They need, they have a place.
[14:22] But food storage is what food will your child and will your family eat.
[14:29] And then you begin to accumulate and gather that type of food. You only really want to store food that you know your family's going to eat. And then you create a waste free pantry.
[14:40] And so I teach a workshop and I have a worksheet on creating a food storage using the meals that you already eat.
[14:49] And by that now you can even set it aside, like for our family. My go to meal when everything is all over the place, it's going to be spaghetti,
[15:00] meat sauce and spaghetti, right?
[15:03] Did I say that? Spaghetti and meat sauce. That's what I mean to say. Some days it's our house.
[15:07] Yeah, right.
[15:08] And so I know I can just go and grab. I always have at least a week's worth of that particular meal in my food storage. So I can just go grab what I need.
[15:18] Boom. And I have a meal in less than 30 minutes, you know, that kind of a thing. And so having those foods ready, it takes the stress off of the mama's brain because she doesn't necessarily have to think, oh, what do I want to have for dinner tonight?
[15:33] Just make the spaghetti and meat sauce. It may not be what you want to make, but you know that your people will eat that. And so then you just keep accumulating.
[15:42] I like on my worksheet, I like to have the moms or whoever's filling it out,
[15:48] write down 10 different meals that they know that their family will eat. And then write each ingredient for that meal,
[15:57] go through their home and inventory what they already have, write that down. And then for a week's worth of that meal, write down what they need, and then they can slowly shop for that.
[16:07] They don't have to go break the bank to go and like, I gotta get all this food. No, no, we're just gonna shop sales. And the easiest thing to do is to buy one extra if you have the budget for it.
[16:19] Don't go into super debt.
[16:21] But if you, if the meat spaghetti sauce is on sale, grab two instead of just one.
[16:27] Those little things will help you accumulate over time. And then your brain just starts to think that way. And then you just turn over the food. Like, turn over meaning you use the food and you're saving money.
[16:39] You're not eating out,
[16:41] and you know your family is going to eat it. And so you've just created a system for yourself that creates a sense of calm and peace. And depending on how old your children are, they can make this food because they've seen you do it.
[16:57] Yeah.
[16:57] Christi Gmyr: No, And I think that all makes sense. One of the things I wonder about.
[17:02] Wendi Bergin: So.
[17:04] Christi Gmyr: One of the things I hear so many busy moms talk about is like, has to do with their to-do list,
[17:09] right? They just have so much going on all the time. So many things that they're trying to manage,
[17:15] so many things that they're trying to juggle. Talk a lot about prioritizing.
[17:19] And so I. I imagine that the idea of doing these things might kind of feel like just one more thing to add to that list.
[17:28] So I'm curious, like, what are your thoughts about that? Like, what are some suggestions that maybe you have to help them so that.
[17:34] So that they can feel like it is actually doable and it's not just, you know, one more thing to check off a list.
[17:39] Wendi Bergin: Right. It is a difficult thing to be a mom.
[17:44] Christi Gmyr: Yes.
[17:45] Wendi Bergin: With so many.
[17:46] I did a podcast episode a few weeks ago about the spinning plates.
[17:51] You know how in the circus we spin all these plates and then sometimes the plates just drop?
[17:57] It's like,
[17:58] I guess it will be pizza for the night. You know what I mean? Because we have the very best intentions to feed our family healthy meals to be there for them, present.
[18:07] Ta da. All the things.
[18:09] And sometimes we forget ourselves a lot of the time.
[18:13] And so the first plate that needs to keep spinning is us for the most.
[18:17] Always we're going to have moments in time where somebody's sick or whatever.
[18:22] So number one, I would.
[18:24] This is gonna sound a little, like, backwards, but I would suggest that your moms and those who are listening that you take care of yourself. In one way I take care of myself is I have a journal that I write in every night,
[18:39] and I list a minimum of three wins every day.
[18:43] And so it can. Some days it's rough. Like, some days it's like, I gotta shower.
[18:48] It's like, I really. That's a win check for me. Sometimes it's, I made the bet. Other times it's big, giant things. Like having this conversation with you today goes right in my.
[18:58] My journal. Like my big win.
[19:00] And by doing that, by training your brain to find the wins,
[19:06] you won't beat yourself up by the things that you think you should have done during the day. Does that make sense?
[19:13] Christi Gmyr: Yeah, no, it does make sense. And I'm actually also thinking about,
[19:17] you know, one of the things, like, for me personally, I hate dinner time.
[19:22] Planning dinner for my kids is like one of. I just, it's not a part of the day that I look forward to. And I don't like a lot of moms, they.
[19:30] They feel similarly. And then when they feel like they can't or it's just date where they're not going to be able to set, you know, serve them the healthy meal, you know, they necessarily want to.
[19:40] Sometimes that brings guilt, especially if they are,
[19:44] you know, doing chicken nuggets or something. It feels super simple.
[19:48] But I'm curious, you know, I always talk to them
about, like, okay, you know,
[19:52] it's okay to do the chicken nuggets. You know, you don't healthy meal every day. But I'm curious, like, what are, what are your thoughts about that?
[20:00] Wendi Bergin: You know, there are going to be seasons in our lives where we're on it and we got it and we're going, and then there are going to be other seasons where we are, our plate is barely spinning and it maybe has fallen,
[20:12] and we have to be. Give ourselves grace. We have to give ourselves a little bit of,
[20:17] you know,
[20:18] flexibility. Like, it's okay if they eat chicken nuggets for five nights in a row. Life isn't going to end for anybody in that case.
[20:27] And I believe, and I think you do too, as someone in this,
[20:33] with the mental health profession,
[20:35] that we need to release that guilt from our minds. So.
[20:40] But with that preparedness helps with the release of the guilt.
[20:44] Dinner time is not my favorite time either. And I hate doing dishes,
[20:48] and I don't know why we have to feed them all the time.
[20:53] You know, my mom used to say the same thing. She goes, if I could have anything,
[20:57] I would have a cook. That's what I would have. And I love cooking and I love experimenting. But the pressure of having that dinner on the table when it has to be on the table or somewhere in that vicinity,
[21:10] it just makes me mad.
[21:12] It's just. I don't know, I feel like, why do I have to do this every day?
[21:17] Christi Gmyr: Yeah, so I do.
[21:20] Wendi Bergin: I do. And they, like, they need to be fed for some reason. I'm like, why we just ate,
[21:26] why we ate yesterday, why are we eating again? You know, What I mean,
[21:31] but I think it's.
[21:33] I think it's an opportunity as much as we don't.
[21:36] I hate. And I hated sharing the kitchen with my kids, too. I'll be honest. I homeschool,
[21:43] homeschooled, and I wanted to teach them life skills and all those things that I did, I did taught them how to do laundry, and they all know how to cook.
[21:51] They know how to do all the things,
[21:53] but just stay out of my kitchen while I'm preparing this food, you know?
[21:57] And when I had. I think when I had the alone time, I was okay, because then I could, you know, futz around the house a little, the kitchen a little bit.
[22:09] But I think having a few meals on hand at all times is going to be easier than trying to think of something in the moment.
[22:20] And I think if you have that list, I have spaghetti and meatballs. My kids like what we call mountains, which is a super easy one.
[22:29] And, I don't know, chicken and dumplings is one.
[22:32] So I usually have three, four, five meals at my fingertips. And that way I can kind of choose from the list that I want to eat,
[22:42] not just what they want to eat, but I know that they'll eat it. Does that make sense?
[22:46] Christi Gmyr: Yeah. No, it does. And so by doing those sorts of things, do you find that. That,
[22:50] you know, helps with, you know, having an impact on the peace of mind, being prepared, being right?
[22:57] Wendi Bergin: Yeah. Yeah.
[22:59] And one of the things we started doing,
[23:02] I interviewed somebody from my podcast, Linda Lomax. She is a lovely podcast that I cannot remember the name of right now,
[23:08] but she plays games at the table with her family.
[23:14] Like, she's an inner. She's one of those entertainer type of people. Like, she loves to entertain. I'm not that girl. I am not. I don't do tablecloths. I don't do anything fancy.
[23:24] But she does. But she plays games.
[23:27] And this time in my life, a couple years ago, when things were really, really hard,
[23:32] I started doing that with my family.
[23:35] I only had two children home at the time, two teenagers. But I started just playing trivia games with them. And I found little cheap trivia card games at the dollar store, actually.
[23:46] And we would just pass around or we'd play this or that.
[23:49] And that made a big difference for me and for my family because we were participating together and we were laughing together.
[23:58] And so the meal prep was part of it, but the spending the time together was fun. It was enjoyable and uplifting.
[24:07] And they may not have said thank you for the food, but there was a general Sense of family coming togetherness.
[24:15] I don't know if that makes sense or not.
[24:16] Christi Gmyr: No, yeah, yeah. No, it absolutely does.
[24:21] Yeah. Because I know a lot of people, they do. They like to use meal time as, you know, a time to have that connectedness. Now in our house personally, we have a bit of a harder time with that.
[24:31] You know, our schedules are all over the place. And now between my work, my husband's work, my kids schedules. And so I'll be honest, we don't. We don't necessarily do family dinner together every night, but what we do, it's like extra special.
[24:44] In fact, my kids will say they're like, yay,
[24:46] tonight's family family dinner.
[24:48] Wendi Bergin: Wonderful. I think that's what. And it doesn't. It has to work for your family.
[24:54] Christi Gmyr: Yeah.
[24:54] Wendi Bergin: I'm not going to be like my friend Linda, because I, I don't. That's too much on my head. And she, like,
[25:01] she downloads all these things and she has.
[25:04] No, no, I just found some stuff at the Dollar Tree or Five Below and brought it home. And we dish it out. That's about as good as it gets as far as games.
[25:12] And we don't do it every time.
[25:13] And I'm not trying to add burden to anybody. I'm just.
[25:17] My idea is that we get to. I, I up until that point, we would eat dinner and we would talk to each other,
[25:25] but it wasn't fun. It was just kind of like,
[25:29] you know, because we were together all day, because I homeschooled, you know, I was like, what did you do today? Well, you know what I did because you were the one who taught me, you know,
[25:37] so the gains thing is different. But for moms who are burnt out and they just don't want to anymore,
[25:45] I'll suggest a couple other things. Go ahead and buy the frozen Stouffer's dinner and keep it in the freezer.
[25:53] Just do it.
[25:54] It takes, what, an hour and a half from frozen to ready to go?
[25:58] You have that much time to throw that sucker in there, rip the tinfoil off, and go.
[26:03] I highly recommend storing frozen food in your freezer. If you have the freezer space,
[26:09] make it as easy for you as possible. Let me tell you,
[26:13] when we were growing up, when I was a child,
[26:15] my mom was very poor when she grew up. And so we ate the food that my mom used to eat. And when my dad was out of town or at a meeting at night, we would have egg noodles, buttered egg noodles with ketchup on it.
[26:30] Now, everybody else thinks that my kids Are like, that's disgusting to me. That is comfort because my mom made it. And I get a little teary. It's part of my mom's life, and it's part of my life that she gave to me.
[26:44] You know what I mean?
[26:45] And so it doesn't have to be all the food groups. It doesn't have to have all the fiber. It doesn't have to have fruit. It just has to be that you created it for your children.
[26:56] And if you have the gumption and the wherewithal and the energy to let them help you do that. I don't. I never like that. So I didn't do a lot.
[27:07] Christi Gmyr: I. I try to find the balance of that. It's tricky. I mean, teachers find it much easier if I am doing cooking, to do it without kids in the kitchen. And also, I know it's fun for them, and they would, you know, so try to find those moments.
[27:19] I don't put the pressure on myself to let them help.
[27:21] Wendi Bergin: Absolutely.
[27:21] Christi Gmyr: All the time. You know, I find. I find that absolutely feel like it's gonna work, and I feel enjoyable.
[27:26] Wendi Bergin: Not.
[27:27] Christi Gmyr: Right.
[27:28] Wendi Bergin: Right.
[27:29] Well. And I've, you know, I listened to a few of your podcasts, and you're a big advocate, from what I gather, about not feeling the mom guilt, you know, releasing that guilt.
[27:40] We put that shame and that guilt on ourselves because we think it's expected of us.
[27:46] So keeping our kids alive,
[27:48] that's the expectation. You know, like, somebody's like, how'd you do today? They're all still alive.
[27:53] They all have clean butts and they're in bed or whatever it is, or they may still be. They're all still alive. And that might have been my win for the day that they all remained alive.
[28:04] I'm not saying that in any other way than my own burnout is what I mean.
[28:08] Christi Gmyr: Yeah, no, and you're absolutely right. And I do. I. I do talk a lot about mom guilty. But it's something that so many of us do, unfortunately, struggle with. And I think for a lot of us, it comes down to those expectations, with their expectations,
[28:22] ourselves, or expectations.
[28:24] Yes, for us, and things like that. But the reality is, is that there are lots and lots of different ways to do things. There are lots of different ways to be a good mom,
[28:32] you know. No, no, no. One person gets to make the rules. I mean, to your point, we have to do what's going to work for our families, and that's. That's okay.
[28:42] Wendi Bergin: So, yeah, have that. Have that love for self. The expectations. I Say,
[28:48] my little. Whatever I say is that all wars started with unmet expectations.
[28:54] Whether it's in the home or globally. Somebody didn't have an expectation met,
[29:00] and usually it's in our brains that this expectation was supposed to happen.
[29:05] And when I step back and I go, wait a minute,
[29:10] and take responsibility for my expectations. One time I came in my bedroom and my husband
had folded all the clothes, and all my clothes were laying on the bed, folded and nice and ready to be hung up or put away.
[29:23] And all his clothes were put away. And I was like.
[29:27] I was like, mad. And he was in there taking a shower, had no idea why I was mad. He should put my clothes away. And now I'm mad at my husband.
[29:37] Poor little man. That's not fair. And I had this moment of,
[29:41] he doesn't even know that I'm mad because this is dumb.
[29:45] He did a nice thing for me, and just because I expected him to put my clothes away doesn't mean I need to start a war or be mad with my husband.
[29:54] And so when I learned that, I learned that by looking at other people when they don't meet my expectations.
[30:01] It's my expectations. I'm the one with the problem.
[30:05] And so we as moms need to be super kind to ourselves.
[30:09] As long as the children are fed,
[30:12] as long as they're clean to your best ability,
[30:15] they're good. I promise you, they're super good.
[30:19] They love you so much.
[30:21] They just want to be around their mom.
[30:24] They just love that you take care of them. They don't always know how to express it, but they love you very, very much.
[30:31] Christi Gmyr: Yeah, no, absolutely. I, I 100% agree with that.
[30:35] So for the moms who are maybe, you know, who are listening to, you know, this conversation and they're thinking about,
[30:42] you know, how they could start to incorporate some of this into their lives.
[30:47] Like, what do you. But again, maybe they're feeling overwhelmed with the idea.
[30:50] Wendi Bergin: Don't feel overwhelmed.
[30:52] Christi Gmyr: What do you feel like is maybe one small step that they could take right now, this week, you know, soon.
[31:01] Wendi Bergin: To calm. Yeah. Breathe.
[31:04] Breathe, my sister. Breathe every. You're good.
[31:07] And I would say.
[31:09] I would probably say two things, and I would encourage. There's a book I would encourage you to read by Ben Hardy, Dr. Benjamin Hardy. And it's called 10x is easier than 2x.
[31:20] And there's a lot of different stuff in there. But one of the things he teaches is to eliminate things that don't need to be in your life that are just causing noise.
[31:30] And so Take a minute and figure out, what could that one thing be? Could be one. One piece of clutter that doesn't need to be in your home and eliminate it.
[31:38] And number two, I would say if you're looking to figure out meal prep or whatever that might be,
[31:45] just buy one extra pound of pasta. If you're a pasta eater,
[31:51] buy one extra pound of rice and that's all,
[31:55] and you're done. Checked, you're done.
[31:57] And then you slowly move into that kind of a mentality. I'll buy one extra of these or one extra of those. You don't have to break the bank to do anything like that.
[32:08] Christi Gmyr: Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
[32:10] Well, this has all been. This has all been so interesting. I wish we could keep chatting all day, but I know everybody's got, you know, I'm sure you have things to get back to.
[32:19] You know, it'd be live, as always.
[32:21] So where can people who are listening, where can they learn more about you and your work?
[32:27] Wendi Bergin: Yeah. Thank you for asking. And thank you so much for this lovely conversation and for involving all of us in this. You're doing a great work because you're truly.
[32:39] You're coming right at burnout for moms. You're coming right at it straight on.
[32:44] And I think what you're doing is such a great service for moms and making Burnout something that is out there that we're acknowledging it, that we're not trying to hide it by just pushing and pushing and pushing ourselves.
[32:58] So kudos to you for recognizing the need for that. Thank you.
[33:02] And thanks for having me too.
[33:05] My website is www.joyfullyprepared.com.
[33:11] My podcast is joyfullyprepared.com.
[33:14] Oh, not dot com, just joyfully Prepared.
[33:17] And I have a face Facebook group that's complimentary, that's Joyfully Prepared so you can find me on Instagram. This is where it's a little tricky. Joyful Prepper, that's my Instagram handle.
[33:31] And so I talk about little things there. But like I said, I'd love for you to listen to my podcast and reach out to me if you have questions or you want me to talk about certain things.
[33:41] I want people to tell me what they want to know, just like you do.
[33:45] Christi Gmyr: Yeah, no, that sounds great. And I will put all of that in the show notes so people didn't quite catch it all. You know, they'll all be there. But also, yeah, I just want to thank you again for taking the time because,
[33:55] yes, I do very much think that talking about Burnout, helping these moms with Burnout, challenging These societal expectations. We were talking about expectations earlier, right? Like the pressure that bombs were constantly peeling.
[34:07] I think it's all so important and I love, like I said earlier, that you are able to talk about it in a way that maybe some moms haven't thought about.
[34:17] Right. Because there are so many burnout shows up in so many different ways and there we want to come at it from all directions. So I really appreciate that you were willing to come in and talk about this.
[34:29] So before we do kind of ran up wrap up for today,
[34:34] what do you. What you say is maybe one final piece of advice or what's one thing that you would like to say to any moms who are listening right now who are feeling burned out and are curious but maybe a little bit doubtful,
[34:45] you know the joint. Some of these things could really be helpful for them.
[34:49] Wendi Bergin: Thank you to those moms. I think out every mom feels this way.
[34:55] But I want you to know that you are very important and you're very special and you are loved. The people that you take good care of, they might not show you the love that you expect or want,
[35:08] but they do love you and they do want you to be around and to take good care of them.
[35:14] However, you must take good care of you.
[35:17] You must find ways to smile and laugh every day. Every day. Whether you're with your people. I always call the people that I made my kids, I call it whether it's with the people or however you find joy,
[35:33] whatever it is that you find joy doing, whether it's ceramics or painting or bread baking,
[35:40] somehow be creative.
[35:43] Take the moment to create something.
[35:46] When we create,
[35:47] we are alive and we have this hope and joy in the future and that we can accomplish all good things.
[35:54] Christi Gmyr: And.
[35:55] Wendi Bergin: And when your kids, your people see you being joyful and happy, they will feel confident learning the same for themselves.
[36:05] Christi Gmyr: Wow,
[36:06] thank you so much. I was so well said.
[36:09] Thank you so again. I just want to thank you again. I know I've already said a few times, but just thank you again so much for being here.
[36:15] You know, as always for the moms who are listening, if any of us resonates any of these things talked about today to be helpful or valuable, you know, please share this podcast with other moms and also you can look up Wendy, you know, if you're interested in learning more about her and how worth again that information will be in the show notes.
[36:34] Yeah, because we are. We're all in this together.
[36:39] Wendi Bergin: Thank you so much.
