EPS. 19 How to Prioritize Your Health When You're Exhausted, Overworked and Have Zero Time for Yourself - Transcript

Episode 19: How to Prioritize Your Health When You're Exhausted, Overworked and Have Zero Time for Yourself - Transcript

[00:04] Christi Gmyr: Welcome to Overcaffeinated and Out of Effs, the podcast for burned out, career-minded moms who are ready to stop pretending everything's fine and feel like themselves again.

[00:15] I'm your host, Christi Gmyr, burnout coach for moms, licensed therapist and mom of two. And I'm here to help you reclaim your energy, your identity, and your peace of mind.

[00:25] Whether you're lying awake thinking about the 87 things you didn't get done or silently resenting the people you love most,

[00:32] This is your space to feel seen, supported, and not so alone.

[00:36] So grab your coffee, hot, cold or day old, and let's get into it.

[00:47] Hey everybody, it's Christi. Welcome to Overcaffeinated and Out of Effs. [00:53] In today's episode, I'd like to welcome our guest, Esther Avant.

00:58] Esther is the co owner of Made by Me Coaching, host of the two year health podcast, and author of the best selling book to your health,

[01:08] A lifestyle of Health, happiness and confidence. She spent over 20 years empowering midlife women to treat their health as the foundation for building a fulfilling life and career.

[01:18] So as I'm sure you know, we all know that our health is important, but, but it can be really hard to make it a priority and to be really consistent with it.

[01:28] So I have invited Esther here today to not only to share her personal story, but also talk about how burned out working moms can make their health a priority without,

[01:40] you know, dropping any of the other balls that they're carrying. You know, we're juggling so many things all the time,

[01:45] so.

[01:46] So, yeah, so that is going to be our topic for today. [01:49] So, Esther, thank you so much for being here.

[01:53] Esther Avant: Thank you for having me.

[01:54] Christi Gmyr: Yeah.

[01:56] Do you maybe mind. Start. Mind starting off just by telling us a little bit, you know, about yourself, how you got into this work and what led you to focus specifically on helping other working moms.

[02:08] Esther Avant: Yeah, I'm one of those kind of weirdos who in my high school yearbook said that I wanted to become a personal trainer and own a gym. I don't own a gym, but did go to school for exercise science, become a trainer, and I've been working in the industry ever since.

[02:24] And it has just sort of evolved over the last two decades. I started off personal training in my college gym and since then have worked in a variety of fields.

[02:35] It was when I was in my mid-20s, when I met my husband who's in the Navy,

[02:42] that I started my own business. Knowing that we were going to be moving very often,

[02:47] it was Kind of the birth of online coaching. I was like, well, it doesn't make sense for me to find a new job every time we move, only to build up a clientele just in time to move again.

[02:56] So that's when I started my own business working for myself, doing, working with clients remotely.

[03:01] And how I came to work with busy working moms is, you know, that's who I can relate to. That's who I am also. So it just comes supernaturally to kind of be in the trenches with people.

[03:11] And I don't pretend to have it all figured out. I just happen to have the exercise and nutrition, the health stuff figured out.

[03:19] So, you know, if you could see my desk right now, you'd see that it is not tidy. You know, there are plenty of things that,

[03:26] that I,

[03:27] I don't have a great handle on, but what I do know really well is this stuff. So it just makes sense to,

[03:33] to help other people with that. And then the final piece of it was I lost my mom to colon cancer in my early 20s and she had struggled with her weight pretty much my whole childhood.

[03:45] And I just, the more coaching I did, the more I started thinking about her as a woman and what kind of coaching would really help her. You know, I knew a lot of other trainers and a lot of them were these, like, kind of militant, very tough, like, just do what I say,

[04:03] kind of beat down style trainers.

[04:06] And I just thought about, you know, my mom being these various situations and thinking that would have been terrible. She would have felt badly about herself, she would feel belittled, she would feel guilty if she wasn't,

[04:17] you know, meeting their expectations. And that's really shaped how I coach.

[04:22] And I, I want all of my clients and everyone listening to know that, you know, there's so much more to you than the number on the scale or how often you exercise or what your diet is like. [04:35] And the real key to making this a lifelong priority is in looking at you as an entire person and all the different components,

[04:44] the dynamicness of your lifestyle and making changes from there, rather than just kind of being told what to do and given a lot of rules to follow. So that, in a, in a big nutshell, is sort of how I came to, to do this work.

[04:56] Christi Gmyr: Yeah. Yeah. Well, and the thing is, is that, you know, rules,

[05:00] you know, all there, although they can be important and they can be helpful as busy working moms, we also, you know,

[05:06] rules, if they're too rigid, can also, I imagine, serve as a major barrier. And to your point from before, about you know,

[05:14] having certain kinds of coaches and, you know, talking down to people and moms do not need anything else, you know, that's going to make them, you know, feel badly. You know, that's going to.

[05:24] I would imagine that that would also be a really big barrier to people. But I'm just guessing, I mean, I'm curious to know, like, what do you, from your experience, like, what do you think moms struggle with the most in terms of like making their health a priority?

[05:36] Esther Avant: Yeah. I think it's so important that you, you've made the distinction that we all know it's important.

[05:41] I think, you know, there's, there's kind of a lot of content out there trying to convince people, you know, if you exercise, you're this percent more likely to, you know, not get this disease or whatever.

[05:50] Like,

[05:51] it's not a lack of thinking that it matters.

[05:55] It's that we have a lot on our plates and it's just, we have good intentions, but it just feels like our time isn't our own and we get swept up in unexpected, you know, calls from the school that a kid needs to be picked up.

[06:07] And there's just so many demands on our time that it's hard, it's hard to do, to prioritize. I would say, number one,

[06:15] the biggest obstacle that, that most moms face is time.

[06:19] And I think that's twofold.

[06:22] Part of it is the straightforward.

[06:24] It does not feel like there's enough hours in the day.

[06:27] So part of the work that I do is helping women see,

[06:34] number one, that it doesn't need to be a very time consuming thing to be a healthy person. You don't need to be exercising hours a day. You don't need to devote your entire Sunday to meal prep.

[06:43] So part of it is kind of adjusting expectations like how long do I really need to, you know, to be a healthy person?

[06:50] Another piece of it is kind of the time management, just sort of like looking over, like, where is my time actually going? Where could I be more efficient? A big thing for me personally is I stopped, I blocked social media on my phone.

[07:02] Suddenly my productivity went through the roof. Suddenly I actually had time to do all the things on my list and do something relaxing at the end of the day. So there is an element of,

[07:11] there are probably kind of time drains that you're just not aware of or you don't realize how much they, they add up.

[07:19] So that's, those are a couple pieces of the time obstacle.

[07:23] The other piece is that feeling like we don't have the time is I think what underlies that is feelings of overwhelm, of just feeling like everywhere I look,

[07:34] someone is telling me what I should or shouldn't be doing.

[07:37] And a lot of that information is conflicting and a lot of it is confusing. And a lot of it seems like I'm gonna have to overhaul everything that I'm doing.

[07:43] And I just get so worked up about how much I'm going to need to change my entire lifestyle.

[07:49] And I feel like I can't possibly do that right now.

[07:51] So I don't do anything. So I think the best thing we can do is kind of reconcile that stuff and help strip away all of that noise, pare it down to what I call the big rocks.

[08:02] The handful of habits that generate the majority of the results. [08:06] Hone in on those and then really dial in.

[08:09] If I'm only focusing on, you know, this handful of things, how do I do them as quickly and efficiently, as easily as possible so that it doesn't feel like a second job so that I can get in,

[08:19] you know, my 30 minute workout three days a week and be done with it and kind of check that box.

[08:24] Once you know what to focus on and can. Can make it feel relatively easy and routine,

[08:31] that's when you're really cruising.

[08:33] Christi Gmyr: Okay, so now, okay, so you mentioned these big rocks, and I know that you have created something called the FIT framework, which I believe the big roc are part of that.

[08:42] Right. And so can you just tell us like a more about that? Can you tell us, you know, what your FITT framework is, how moms can start using it, and then, you know, tell us a little bit more about those, those big rocks and what you mean by that?

[08:55] Esther Avant: Yeah, so this is the perfect segue because the FIT framework is the solution to the common, the most common barriers that I see first.

[09:04] First being the time and overwhelm,

[09:07] second being lack of support,

[09:10] and third, being our sort of perfectionist,

[09:13] all or nothing tendencies.

[09:15] So the F in the FITT framework is figuring out the big rocks that we've been talking about. [09:20] These are gonna vary depending on your goal. But generally speaking,

[09:25] most of us would be healthier if we prioritized our sleep, managed our stress,

[09:31] took more walks,

[09:33] lifted heavy things,

[09:35] appreciated rest,

[09:37] prioritized our protein and fiber, and ate the right number of calories for our goals. Now, I know when I say them in a, you know, jumble like that, you're like, well, that still seems like a lot.

[09:45] That's like a pretty task.

[09:46] Christi Gmyr: Right?

[09:48] Esther Avant: So the first thing I want to remind you is that you're probably already doing some of these things really well.

[09:53] You might be really committed to your sleep routine and that's like your non negotiable amazing. Then leave that alone. You're already doing it. You can focus your attention on something else.

[10:02] A lot of people already, you know, prioritize. They wear a smartwatch and they're, they're really on top of their steps.

[10:07] Christi Gmyr: So great.

[10:08] Esther Avant: You don't need to worry about that one. So just know that like, you're not starting from, from zero.

[10:13] You've probably got a better base than you think. And for most of us, it's not a drastic overhaul. It's not like you've never heard these things before. It's just more so making those small tweaks to improve your consistency with them.

[10:24] So as far as, as far as food goes, you know, before you stress about tracking your food or, you know, calories and macros and all of that, I literally just had this conversation on a, on a quick facetime with a client.

[10:39] One of the ways that we take in a lot of excess calories that are not doing anything for us is between meals.

[10:46] I was just researching for a workshop. I'm doing that. I think it's about 26% of our daily calories come from snacks.

[10:53] Christi Gmyr: Wow.

[10:53] Esther Avant: And that can amount to 400 plus calories a day.

[10:58] And, you know,

[10:59] we're all moms here. We know that we're not snacking on, you know, a veggie platter. We're snacking on the goldfish that we scooped out of the cup holder in the car seat and the crust of the grilled cheese that, you know, God forbid, no one will touch.

[11:11] And that's what we're kind of nibbling on, partly because we may not be prioritizing our own meals. So it's like, I'm starving. If all I'm getting is, you know, the, the bottom of the barrel of these, these stale crackers, so be it.

[11:25] But part of it is just like habit mindlessness of like, it's here.

[11:29] I'll, you know, I'm used to putting it in my mouth and, and that just is what it is. So a really easy step if every, even, even if you're hearing the big rocks and feeling like, okay, that's a lot,

[11:38] a really easy place to start is just developing awareness and trying to reduce that mindless between meal snacking.

[11:45] A trick that I use is I have in all the places we know, you know, we have like a million bags and we have things staged all over the place basically anywhere you have a chapstick staged. [11:55] Also put some mints, some gum,

[11:58] something like that, where you can just pop something in your mouth, and then it's, like, not available for snacking. I do this before I'm making my son lunch or before I make dinner or when I'm cleaning up in the kitchen.

[12:08] It's just if your mouth is a, feels clean and fresh, you don't want to put stuff in it. And then B, if there's, like, physically a gum or a mint in there,

[12:15] you're. You have to take it out. It's the whole thing. You've just created some friction, and you've developed some awareness of, like, oh, I'm about to do this thing that I'm trying not to do.

[12:23] So that's an easy way, is just, you know, nip the snacking in the bud or reduce it and be more intentional with it.

[12:29] That goes a really long way if you're looking for a place to start.

[12:33] Christi Gmyr: Okay. Okay, great.

[12:35] So it sounds like, you know, so one of the things that you're saying, you know, not just because to your point, I mean, when you talked about, like, the FITT framework, it did sound like a lot.

[12:43] There were a lot of things, but one big takeaway is we're not starting from zero. But also it sounds like you're talking about being more intentional and maybe focusing on maybe one or two small things at a time, right?

[12:55] Not necessarily. Even if you do have several of these things to work on, not necessarily trying to tackle them all at once. Am I understanding that right?

[13:02] Esther Avant: Exactly right. And it's funny. When I was writing my book, I was working with an editor,

[13:06] and we kept going back and forth, and she was like, I just need to understand, like, is there an order I'm supposed to do these in? Am I supposed to do them all at once?

[13:14] And, like, this is where kind of the discomfort of, like, there are no rules. Here comes in is these are the general guidelines that if you focus on these things, you are likely to be a pretty healthy person.

[13:26] What that's gonna look like for your unique life is gonna vary. So there's kind of two approaches that you can take. And you're absolutely right that we're talking, you know, one or two max.

[13:34] With. With clients, we say max three goals at a time. One exercise, one nutrition, one lifestyle.

[13:40] Because you do not want to overwhelm yourself. You want, if anything, you want to be almost bridling your.

[13:47] Your motivation,

[13:48] and you want to be. You want to be chomping at the bit to do more. And you're holding back because you know, when I do too much too fast, I face plant two weeks down the road.

[13:58] So I'm not doing that again. So you start a lot smaller.

[14:01] So max, pick three things.

[14:03] And depending on your personality type, you might want to approach it one of two ways.

[14:07] The first is figuring out the low hanging fruit,

[14:10] where this is just gonna be the easiest thing for you to do, that it might not be the most impactful.

[14:16] But what's gonna make it impactful is that you're gonna feel good about doing it. You're actually gonna follow through, do what you said you did, and that's gonna develop some momentum, some self trust, some confidence.

[14:28] Christi Gmyr: It's gonna give you some win.

[14:30] Esther Avant: Exactly. To get some easy wins under your belt and then say, all right, I'm ready. You know, I'm ready doing this thing.

[14:35] What's next? [14:36] So an easy one where a lot of my clients start is, is just with hydration.

[14:41] Where I feel like people are or one extreme or the other with water is like, either you've got your trusty water bottle and you're like, I don't go anywhere without this thing.

[14:48] I fill it up three times a day. I constantly pee. I'm all good there.

[14:52] Or you have people like me a few years ago where it's like,

[14:56] I probably, I get water from my vegetables and I get, you know, if I have to take a pill, I'll get a little bit there. But I, I just wasn't, you know, prioritizing it.

[15:04] So I started being really intentional with a glass by my bed first thing in the morning before my feet hit the ground. A glass at e at each meal. So if hydration is a place that, you know, you're not already prioritizing, that's really good, really easy, low hanging fruit.

[15:19] The alternative is, you know, some people might be hearing that and thinking, yeah, but if I don't see like a big. If I don't get a big win, I'm going to lose motivation and I'm not going to want to keep going.

[15:29] So you might want to take the big kahuna approach, which is figuring out, like, what would give me what one thing would give me the most bang for my buck.

[15:36] And depending on your goals, it could be exercise or nutrition or sleep or stress.

[15:41] I'd say for most people, if you're a mom with a weight loss goal, nutrition is going to be your big kahuna.

[15:46] But you just figure out it won't necessarily be the easiest,

[15:50] but if I devote my energy to it. It's going to give me the most bang for my buck. So I'm willing to do what it takes to change that one thing.

[15:58] Knowing that doing so is gonna make either everything else feel easier or make a lot of that other stuff not matter as much because I'm already doing the big thing.

[16:09] So absolutely don't, don't feel like you need to be tackling this all at once.

[16:13] Just figure out, you know, what makes the, the most sense for me to start with and track your consistency in some way. I'm a big fan. I've got right here, I've of printing a blank calendar and creating a, you know, stick it on the fridge, put a, make a consistency tracker for yourself,

[16:30] give yourself a sticker or a smiley face or whatever for each day you do. The habit that you're working on to just help yourself a celebrate the wins of doing it and, and getting that consistency under your belt, but also so you can pick up on patterns and see,

[16:43] like, that's weird. There hasn't been a single Saturday this month that I've,

[16:47] you know, that I've taken my walk or that I've tracked my food or I've done my workout. I wonder why that is. And then you can kind of reverse engineer from there.

[16:53] You have more awareness.

[16:55] Christi Gmyr: Well, and again, you know, it sounds like there are maybe different approaches, different ways, different strategies for doing this. But again, this idea of like,

[17:02] let's pick one thing and focus on that because the reality is, is when it comes to health, there are so many different ways we can look at it and there are so many different things that we can look at.

[17:11] But if we're trying to really stay consistent, then we need to like, prioritize that one thing so that we're not overwhelming yourself. So progress, right? Progress over perfection.

[17:21] So, okay, so let's talk about, you know, you had said something earlier about support systems. Right. And why. And, and again, another thing that I feel like most people know that support systems are important.

[17:33] They can be incredibly helpful. But support systems I think can also be tricky for working moms. For a lot of working moms for different reasons. You know, some people just don't feel like they necessarily have local people who, you know, they can lean on as a support system.

[17:48] You know, I think a lot of times moms feel it's pressure that they should be able to do everything themselves. And so there can be some more internal barriers for reaching out to them, you know, those sorts of things.

[17:58] So what are some ideas you have or some suggestions you have for ways that these moms can start building support specifically around their health?

[18:09] That's a great question.

[18:10] Esther Avant: And the I and the FIT framework is increasing your support system. So the first piece I'd say is, like,

[18:14] I think the majority of us aren't as lacking in support as we might feel like we are or think we are.

[18:24] It's more so exactly what you said of that sort of ego or pride or, you know, shame or whatever it is surrounding.

[18:31] I feel like I should be able to do this myself. I went through exactly that when I was starting my business and had no idea what I was doing. And my husband kept saying, you know, maybe you should work with a coach, somebody that can help you, a business coach.

[18:41] And my exact response was, I should be able to figure it out. I'm smart, I'm educated. I know what I'm doing. You know, these other people who are successful at it, like, they don't have anything that I don't.

[18:51] Why would I, you know, why would I need help?

[18:54] After years of struggling, getting no traction, I finally hired a coach, and I was like, oh, should have done that a long time ago.

[19:00] So I think the biggest obstacle when it comes to our support system is ourselves. And recognizing that asking for help is not a sign of weakness.

[19:09] It's a sign of strength and confidence, and everyone needs support.

[19:14] And, in fact,

[19:15] there's really interesting research about how people who are asked to help actually feel closer to people than when they ask someone for help. So instead of, you know, allowing yourself to frame this as,

[19:32] I'm a burden or I'm always, you know, taking and remind yourself like, this is actually going to strengthen my relationships, because this person is going to appreciate that I care about them, trust them, whatever, enough to reach out for them and make this ask.

[19:48] Christi Gmyr: Well, yeah. And to that point, I mean, one of the things that I find to be helpful for a lot of people is to try to reverse the roles. Right. And think about how you feel when other people come and ask you for help.

[20:00] Right. Because I agree, a lot of times, you know, I hear this from a lot of people, this idea of, like, I don't want to burden them, I don't want to, you know, those sorts of things when really,

[20:09] you know, I. I think most of the times people don't feel, you know, that it does. It makes them feel good. Not like it's a burden, but like, they want to help.

[20:17] And to your point, you know, it sounds like it's, you know, bringing those relationships closer, which Is.

[20:21] Esther Avant: Which is a good thing. Exactly.

[20:24] Christi Gmyr: Yeah.

[20:25] Well, so, okay, so coming back to, you know, your.

[20:29] Your big rocks when I. So there are a few different pieces to that Now. One of the things that, when I was reading about this before we started chatting, you know, you had talked a little bit about compassionate ownership as a piece of that.

[20:41] Right. And so I'm wondering if you can talk a little bit more about, like, explain, like, what is that? What does that mean? And how does it. How does it help these moms?

[20:50] Esther Avant: Yeah. So,

[20:52] you know, what's interesting is when we talk about health, everybody wants to talk about, like, what are the best exercises I should do for, you know, my mom pooch and my bat wings, and what are the superfoods that I should be eating that are gonna blast my fat?

[21:02] You know, all of this, you know, kind of clickbaity stuff that we hear about on the Internet.

[21:07] And of course, you know, what you eat and how you move your body, of course that matters for your health.

[21:12] But the conversations tend to be very surface level of like, just, like, just tell me what to do.

[21:17] But the reality is the real work that most of us have to do is mental.

[21:22] One of the biggest things that prevents us from seeing the progress that we want is,

[21:28] is our inconsistency.

[21:30] And our inconsistency is not due to a lack of motivation or discipline or willpower. It's not like a personal shortcoming that you have.

[21:38] Our lack of consistency comes from our very black and white, all or nothing, kind of perfectionist approach to this stuff where we finally lay out, you know, the perfect plan,

[21:49] and then three days in, we have a kid home sick and the whole thing gets derailed and we spiral about it. We beat ourselves up, and it's like, oh, well, I, you know, I'll try again next Monday.

[21:59] It's the starts and stops that are, you know, it's not you missing a day, it's that that day turned into the next 10 days.

[22:08] So a lot of the work that we have to do is around our. Our mentality when it comes to our health and our efforts.

[22:15] And that is twofold. The two T's in the FITT framework are treating ourselves with compassion and taking responsibility.

[22:23] So what I see is we have. I think of those two on. On a spectrum where we always need a combination of compassion and ownership of our choices in our lives.

[22:35] But we tend to be too far to one extreme or the other where either we're overly compassionate with ourselves and every time we kind of fall short of our expectations or we don't do what we said.

[22:50] We did what we were going to do.

[22:51] We just let it go.

[22:52] Oh, it's fine. Like, just try again. And of course you want some of that.

[22:56] You want to remind yourself, oh, just, just try again.

[22:59] But it needs to be followed with like, what am I gonna do differently so this doesn't keep happening.

[23:05] Then on the other side you've got kind of the like really masculine, militant, kind of hardcore.

[23:10] Everything is your fault. If you were less than, you know, less than perfect, like, that's on you. This was like, no, no emotion involved.

[23:18] And that's not working either.

[23:20] So what we need is to have both. We need to anticipate and expect that slip ups are going to happen. Things are not going to always go according to plan.

[23:29] We're not going to be perfect. That's fine. And we need to give ourselves grace in those situations that we don't spiral out of control, we don't make mountains out of molehills, et cetera.

[23:38] And also we need to figure out what we can learn from those experiences so that we're not like beating our head against a wall wondering why we're not getting through it.

[23:46] That we need to say,

[23:48] you know, okay, it's, it's okay that once again this weekend you drank way more than you meant to and then you got into the snacks and you ate a whole sleeve of Girl Scout cookies.

[23:57] Like, that's okay. You're not a bad person. You didn't do anything wrong. This is not the end of the world. Like, you know, give yourself some, some grace here.

[24:04] And if I don't want this to happen next weekend,

[24:08] what can I learn from this? And how can I make sure that I do something differently?

[24:12] So this isn't becoming a recurring thing.

[24:14] So do I need to just not have wine in the house? Do I need to put the cookies somewhere that I can't reach them so easily? Do I want to enlist my support system to help me through this?

[24:25] So it's the combination of both of those things that allows you to go from that kind of pendulum swinging from one extreme to the other to something more moderate where you're just like, yep, I stumbled a little bit, but I didn't roll back down the hill and I just kind of dusted myself off and now I'm now moving forward again.

[24:40] Christi Gmyr: Yeah, well, it's about like finding that middle ground, right? Because if you think about it, you know, if you think about it in terms of a continuum, right? So on the one extreme, you've got people who are like you said, are being overly compassionate, and on the other end, they're being too strict.

[24:53] I find that, you know, with most things in life, we tend to be in, you know, find ourselves on some sort of a continuum. And generally speaking, the extremes are where you're going to find more problems.

[25:03] Right. And that's what you're describing right now, is finding really that. That middle ground, so having not being too far in either direction, you know,

[25:12] so that you're not experiencing, like, the downsides of either one of those things.

[25:15] Esther Avant: Nailed it. Very well said.

[25:18] Christi Gmyr: So, okay, so you had mentioned a minute ago about how you feel like one of the biggest challenges is around mindset. Right. Which is something that I 100% agree with. It's something that I talk to people about all the time and work with them about is mindset.

[25:31] Um, and with that,

[25:35] from working moms in particular, it's tied into feelings of guilt that they experience a lot. Right. And so one of the things that I know a lot of times moms do struggle with guilt around is taking the time for themselves.

[25:48] You already said, like, time is limited. Right. And so. And there are other things that we're also trying to get done during our day.

[25:54] So how do you help moms manage those feelings of guilt around making this a priority, taking that time for herself, you know, those kinds of things?

[26:04] Esther Avant: Yeah, it's a great question because it is something that so many moms tell me as well, which I think is so interesting and is such a great example of how much of our perception of the world is based on our brains.

[26:19] Because I have never once felt guilty about taking time to grocery shop or prep food or exercise or take walks.

[26:27] And I think, you know, I'm not saying that to, like, brag on myself, but more so to just, like, expose people to the idea that there are people who are in very similar circumstances who just have a completely different perception of something.

[26:41] And if that's the case,

[26:42] then you also could change how you're thinking about something.

[26:47] So the. The first point, I think, is that you are a worthy and deserving human being independent of anything else in your life.

[26:56] And I actually have a couple clients who recently became empty nesters this year and are really struggling with kind of that identity shift of who am I now that my kids are out of the house?

[27:08] And of course there's. There's going to be some of that, like, no matter what.

[27:12] But I think those feelings are exacerbated when you have not prioritized your own wellbeing and your own Needs in the time that the kids are in the house, because if you give them everything,

[27:26] they're still gonna leave.

[27:28] And then you're left, like, this shell of a person wondering, like, who even am I? It's been so long since I've done anything for myself that I don't even know what that looks like.

[27:36] So imagine how much smoother. Not saying it's gonna be smooth, but imagine how much smoother it could be when your kids leave the house if you are still anchored to some of the things that you've been doing for yourself as they've been growing up.

[27:50] I think that's an interesting perspective. I think another that can be really compelling, especially for moms of girls, but also boys. I'm a boy mom. Is leading by example and showing that it's okay.

[28:04] And it's normal for moms to have their own things, to take time for themselves to prioritize their needs.

[28:12] If you think about your daughters growing up and taking on this martyr role of, I have to give everything to my family,

[28:22] you'd be like, no, you don't, sweetie. You also need to take care of yourself. Right. So, again, a perfect example of what you were talking about with kind of flipping the roles is, you know, in different circumstances, you would be encouraging your.

[28:33] Your daughter to take care of herself. So, like, [28:36] you have the opportunity now to make the. That the norm for her. Like, oh, this is just what moms do. This is just what people do.

[28:43] Christi Gmyr: Yeah.

[28:44] Esther Avant: So, you know, there's. There's sort of that setting of the example and. And building on that is the example that you're setting when your kids just grow up. Seeing you, your spouse,

[28:57] exercise, treat their bodies well like that just becomes what they think everyone does. You know, we have a garage gym.

[29:05] My son will regularly wake up in the morning, and my husband and I are out there working out.

[29:09] Christi Gmyr: He'll.

[29:10] Esther Avant: On weekends, he'll do stuff with us, like, to. It's such a gift to give your children,

[29:14] to normalize moving their bodies and caring about what they put in it. [29:19] So sometimes I think for moms, it can be easier to get over the guilt when you sort of frame it in terms of how you're doing your kids a disservice by not doing it for yourself and what a gift you're giving them when you do.

[29:32] Um, and then, you know, sort of lastly, just to kind of reiterate,

[29:36] you're a human being who deserves to feel good about herself. Like, how she feels, like how she looks. And there's, you know, there's nothing to feel guilty about if you take time to do that.

[29:46] Christi Gmyr: Yeah, no, absolutely. I think that that all makes sense. I agree with, I agree with all of that. And, and yeah, especially this idea that leading by example, right? Setting, you know, setting that example of like these are,

[30:02] I'm not doing anything bad or wrong by taking care of myself, but I, it's okay, it's a good thing. And on top of that, like it's okay for you to do these things too, right?

[30:10] So yeah, so you're like teaching them also that they are also valuable and important and all of that. So yeah, I completely agree with that.

[30:19] So, okay, so for the moms who are listening and you know, they're thinking about how they can start to incorporate some of these things into their lives and how, you know, if they're wanting to make some of these changes but they're not exactly sure where to start,

[30:31] what would you suggest as like one small realistic shift that they could do today that would,

[30:38] that would have an impact on their health?

[30:41] Esther Avant: This is one we haven't talked about at all, but I think is really kind of the foundation of a lot of what we've been talking about.

[30:50] And this is not exercise, this is not nutrition, this is what we call life Admin.

[30:56] One of the reasons that all of this feels so hard is because we just sort of feel like we are along for the ride,

[31:05] right? We're so focused on what do we need to get done for work, what kid needs to be where, what day. We're, we have to keep tabs on a thousand different things and we don't have a system in place yet to make our own stuff, you know, put our own stuff on the list.

[31:22] So one thing you can do today before you go to bed tonight,

[31:25] look at your calendar or your calendars and figure out for tomorrow.

[31:33] Where is a window that you could get in even 15 minutes of movement? It doesn't need to be. You don't need to go to a gym, you don't need to do anything fancy.

[31:41] Where do you have a 15 minute window that you could just move your body in whatever way feels good and easy and put that on the calendar.

[31:50] Really in the beginning, it's about rebuilding your self trust,

[31:56] being somebody that you know is going to do what she says she's going to do. And it starts with those small commitments. So is one, you know, 15 minute workout going to revolutionize your fitness, what your body looks like?

[32:07] Of course not.

[32:08] But it's you casting a vote for. This is the person that I want to be similarly.

[32:13] Maybe you're already in an exercise routine, so you're like, that's. That doesn't apply to me.

[32:18] Think about it with your food.

[32:20] You know that you have to eat and you know you have to eat multiple times, right? The family has to eat dinner tomorrow. If you don't know what you're gonna do for dinner tomorrow, then this is the perfect exercise for you.

[32:29] Start getting yourself into the habit of thinking about these things in advance so you're not just flying by the seat of your pants and ending up ordering pizza again or doing, you know, dino nuggets again.

[32:40] Figure out based on our schedule tomorrow, what time I'm getting home from work, what time my husband's getting home from work, what time the kids have practice and all those things.

[32:48] What time are we gonna be eating dinner? And how do I make that as easy as possible? If you know it's gonna be a late night, what can I throw in the crock pot so we're good to go when we get there?

[32:55] Do I need to pack some sandwiches so that we can eat in the car and I can get the kids to bed on time?

[33:00] Do I have a ton of morning meetings so it would make sense for me to have like a smoothie instead of a meal? Am I in the habit of driving through Starbucks and just like getting whatever I see through the window?

[33:11] Making one decision in advance about your food for tomorrow.

[33:16] This, the. The habit of looking ahead and making those health related decisions in advance will make the biggest impact on your overall health and, and how easy this feels to be consistent with.

[33:31] Christi Gmyr: Yeah. I have to tell you that one in particular really resonates with me. I, that's something I've had so many conversations with other moms and one of the things that comes up for so many people, I know it's not just dinner time,

[33:43] but that for me is one of the struggles. Right. And I do, I do so much last minute planning and a lot of times and our schedules are different every single day.

[33:50] And a lot of times it's really like in the moment, okay, what am I serving them today? And sometimes it's. Sometimes it is something out of the freezer, sometimes it is something really quick. [33:59] So that is,

[34:00] that's, that's very helpful. And I know that it's helpful for all the other moms out there who struggle with dinner time too, and I know there are a lot of them.

[34:07] So thank you.

[34:09] So, okay, so we are.

[34:10] So this has all been like, really helpful. And I know, again, like, Health is something, as we were saying before, that people know it's important, but they struggle with, you know, making it a priority because we're so busy and all these other reasons.

[34:22] So this has been really great. But for people who want to learn more about you, learn more about your work, you know, learn more about your fit framework and all of that, like, where,

[34:31] where can they go to do that?

[34:34] Esther Avant: www.estheravant.com would be the easiest kind of catch all links to my, my book, my podcast, my coaching, my social media. So anything you want to find about me, you can find there.

[34:43] Christi Gmyr: Okay, that's great. So I will include that in the show notes. And then I also have here some of your social, other social media. So links to your podcast, your Instagram, your LinkedIn, all of that.

[34:54] So if I, I will include the all that and the notes as well so people can find you.

[34:59] Um, and so before we wrap up for today, if you had,

[35:04] you know, one final piece of advice for the moms who are listening about prioritizing their health,

[35:10] maybe something we haven't already touched on today or maybe something that we have that you just want to emphasize, like, what would that be?

[35:16] Esther Avant: This is something I was thinking about this morning is the importance of flexible consistency.

[35:22] I think for a lot of people, and my, myself included, up until recently,

[35:28] consistency can sort of become a synonym for rigidity where you just feel like, yeah, I'm great if everything goes exactly according to plan, if I can get in my workout at my normal time, if I can, you know, if everything is like exactly as as I need it to be.

[35:42] And it's like I'm in control of everything that works until it doesn't. You know, we all, we all know that, you know, that's you're not going to get more than a few, you know, quote unquote, perfect days in a row and you're going to get thrown off.

[35:52] So I think it's really important to work on kind of cultivating.

[35:56] Yeah, obviously you need to be consistent, but what that looks like, day to day, week to week,

[36:00] it's going to vary. And noticing what kind of limiting beliefs you might have, what you're telling yourself that's making it harder for you to be flexible.

[36:10] A good example being, have you told yourself, I'm just not a morning person or if I don't exercise in the morning, it's not going to happen later in the day?

[36:17] Where are you kind of putting yourself in a box that then makes it harder for you to be consistent and then work on kind of Shifting those beliefs into,

[36:27] I'm somebody who is consistent and does what needs to be done and follows through on what I said I was gonna do.

[36:34] Even when that doesn't go exactly according to plan or it looks differently than I was expecting,

[36:40] I can trust myself to follow through regardless of if I need to kind of change plans in the middle. And that's an ongoing practice. You know, you're not gonna master it right away, but.

[36:50] But just sort of challenging yourself. Like, if.

[36:53] If one of your kids doesn't sleep well one night, you know, didn't sleep well last night, and crawled into your bed and the alarm goes off, you're supposed to work out this morning and you're just like, I'm so exhausted, I can't.

[37:03] That's fine.

[37:04] You skipping that morning workout to get a little bit extra sleep is not a problem.

[37:09] Let's pay attention, though, to what you're telling yourself afterward. Are you berating yourself of, like, once again you slept in. You're so lazy. You always do this. Better luck tomorrow.

[37:18] Or how about,

[37:19] that's okay, I didn't get in. Get it in this morning.

[37:22] What other opportunities do I have later in the day might not be ideal. I might would have preferred to have gotten it over early, but where else could I fit it in?

[37:30] Maybe it doesn't look. Maybe it's not as long. Maybe I don't go to the gym. Maybe it looks different. But I said I was going to exercise today, so how else can that get done?

[37:36] I think practicing that consistent flexibility is a really, really important skill that we can all work on.

[37:42] Christi Gmyr: Okay, great. Yeah. Yeah. No, again, that's.

[37:45] That's really helpful. That's really good advice because to your point, and going back to what we were talking about before, this idea of finding that middle ground, right? Because if you're being too strict with yourself or if you're just saying, like, it's okay and completely, you know, letting that become a habit or a pattern every single day,

[38:01] you know, maybe that's not going to be so great, but finding that middle ground of I'm going to be consistent, I'm going to challenge the beliefs that are getting in the way of that. [38:09] And also I need to be flexible because.

[38:12] Because we're moms and things. Things are going to happen that are going to get in the way of that. So. Yeah, that makes sense.

[38:19] All right, well, you know, so thank you again so much for being here. Again, I know most. I. I imagine that you are very busy also, and so I really appreciate, you know, you taking time out of your day to talk to me.

[38:32] You know, as always, for the moms who are listening, you know, if any of this resonates, if you found any of it to be helpful, valuable,

[38:39] you know, please share this podcast with other moms who could maybe use some support.

[38:45] Because again, as always, we are in this together.