EPS 1. From Burned Out to Burnout Coach: How I Got Here (And Why I Care So Damn Much) - Transcript

Episode 01: From Burned Out to Burnout Coach: How I Got Here (And Why I Care So Damn Much) - Transcript

[00:00] Christi Gmyr: Welcome to Over Caffeinated and Out of Effs, the podcast for burned out career-minded moms who are ready to stop pretending everything's fine and feel like themselves again.

[00:15] I'm your host Christi Gmyr, burnout coach for moms, licensed therapist and mom of two and I'm here to help you reclaim your energy, your identity and your peace of mind.

[00:25] Whether you're lying awake thinking about the 87 things you didn't get done or silently resenting the people you love most,

[00:32] this is your space to feel seen, supported and not so alone.

[00:36] So grab your coffee, hot, cold or day old and let's get into it.

[00:48] Welcome to the very first episode of Over Caffeinated and Out of Effs, the podcast for emotionally exhausted, burned out, career- minded moms who are ready to stop pretending everything is fine,

[01:00] face burnout head on and feel like themselves again.

[01:03] I'm your host Christi Gmyr, burnout coach for moms and licensed therapist.

[01:08] I am also a mom of two young kids who are 9 and 5 years old.

[01:13] So the purpose of this podcast is to support moms at any point in their careers who are struggling with burnout.

[01:20] Some moms are very career focused and want to continue powering forward after kids.

[01:26] Some moms want to step back and take a pause.

[01:29] Maybe temporarily, maybe not.

[01:31] Some moms want to reevaluate and look to make shifts or changes, maybe changes in their environment,

[01:37] maybe something that has more flexibility, hours that are more aligned with their kids schedules, maybe something hybrid or work from home.

[01:44] Or maybe they want to make changes to entirely different industries.

[01:50] And I just want to say that none of these things is wrong, right. Every single situation is going to be unique and what is right for each person is going to be a very personal decision and I really want to support all career minded moms regardless of where they are on that path.

[02:09] Not only by providing helpful information,

[02:12] resources, tools, strategies to help moms in a practical sense,

[02:18] but also by inviting other moms as guests to share their own story so that those listening can feel seen, supported and not so alone.

[02:28] So to kick this all off I thought I would share a bit about myself and my own story,

[02:35] my journey to help you all get to know me a bit better and to help you get an idea of how I got here and why I do what I do and why I am so passionate about it.

[02:47] So to paint a bit of a picture,

[02:49] I am a married mom of two.

[02:52] I have been with my husband for 20 years now and we have been married for 12.

[02:58] We have a nine year old daughter and a five year old son.

[03:02] And as I mentioned in my intro, and as many of you might know from my website, my live trainings, your own work with me.

[03:10] My background is in mental health counseling.

[03:15] So after finishing graduate school many, many years ago,

[03:19] and while in the process of getting licensed, I got my first professional job working as a therapist at a community mental health agency. And this was before my husband and I got married and before we had kids.

[03:32] So I worked there for about nine years,

[03:36] during which time I finished all my clinical requirements to get licensed and I was working full time in one of their many, many programs.

[03:46] And then over the course of the next several years, I moved around the agency. So I worked in different programs as a therapist. I eventually moved into management. I did compliance,

[03:56] and from there I moved into a director role.

[04:00] So I was definitely doing a lot. You know, I had a great relationship with my boss and I was getting a lot of different experience working with various populations, learning different skill sets.

[04:09] I was managing crises.

[04:11] At times I was on call. And sometimes, depending on what program I was working in at the time, sometimes being on call would mean managing crises over the phone, but other times it meant getting out of bed in the middle of the night, driving 45 minutes, that's how far my commute was to work,

[04:28] and sitting in the hospital emergency room for sometimes six or more hours so that I could support clients before driving home in the early hours of the morning.

[04:38] And then I was also doing other things, like I was traveling, I was going to conferences or trainings.

[04:44] So again, it was a lot, you know, I was given a lot of different opportunities and I was in a position to keep moving up within the agency, within my career.

[04:56] As many of you might know, working in community mental health is known for being really high burnout, you know, so my job was really stressful. But remember, I didn't have kids yet, so it was really the only big thing I needed to put my time and energy into.

[05:13] It was hard,

[05:15] but it felt manageable,

[05:19] mainly because I didn't have kids yet. And once I had kids, not to say that it wasn't manageable, but it just,

[05:25] suddenly it became a lot harder.

[05:27] So.

[05:27] So a little more than a year before I left the agency, I did have my daughter. That's when she was born. Um, and I was actually starting another new position at the agency while I was pregnant.

[05:38] And so I was transitioning into that new role when she was born and when I was coming back from my maternity leave.

[05:46] And I'm sure All you moms know that once you have kids, your priorities change.

[05:51] And that's not to say that work isn't important anymore. You know, for, for some people maybe it's not, but for a lot of people it definitely still is.

[06:01] But it is to say that once you have kids, work is no longer the only important thing or even the most important thing.

[06:08] So anyway, suddenly everything became a lot, lot harder. And as a first time mom, you know, I had absolutely no idea how hard it would be to do both things at the same time.

[06:18] There's just so many things that nobody told me about and I was not mentally prepared for.

[06:24] So for starters, even before my maternity leave was over,

[06:28] I was struggling with feelings of guilt because my husband and I had decided to put our daughter in daycare, which is something I initially did not want to do.

[06:39] My own mom had stayed at home until my siblings and I were school age. Other women in my family also chose to stay at home and a lot of my friends didn't have kids yet.

[06:48] So I was really the first person in my family or close circle to use full time daycare. And I really, really felt awful about it.

[06:58] That first week was probably one of the hardest weeks of my life.

[07:01] I didn't feel emotionally ready to go back yet.

[07:04] I had even asked at work about extending my leave by a week or two and was told that it just wasn't an option. So I had feelings about that then.

[07:13] Dropping my daughter off, walking away and leaving her with strangers so that I could go to work.

[07:19] Deep down I knew that I wasn't doing anything wrong. You know, lots of people use daycare, but I still felt horrible about it. It was just something that I did not want to do.

[07:30] And then that guilt continued once I did go back because I had to leave her there for 11 hours a day. You know, she was 10 weeks old at the time.

[07:38] And so to make matters worse, by the time I finally did pick her up and go home,

[07:42] probably around, you know, 5:30 or so at night, I had no idea before having kids that, that newborns go to bed that early. Like I had no idea that she would be going to bed by 6 o' clock at night so I would get home from work,

[07:58] it maybe have 30 minutes with her, you know,

[08:01] before she had to go to bed. Which of course just made my feelings of guilt even worse.

[08:06] Now fortunately, over time I came to realize that for us and our family and our situation, daycare was a wonderful thing. I actually am so happy that we followed through with that decision.

[08:18] It Ended up just being such a great thing for us.

[08:21] But I didn't know that at the time. Right at the time, it was just something that I really, really struggled with.

[08:27] And then I was dealing with other challenges too.

[08:30] So I wanted to. I had a goal of breastfeeding for a year, for example,

[08:35] which meant pumping during the workday.

[08:38] And I'm sure all of you can probably relate to the stress of dealing with sick kids and dealing with sick kids. I mean, that is something that is always stressful, but it is stressful on a whole new level when you're trying to work and then you get that phone call from daycare that somebody has to come pick her up.

[08:59] And it doesn't matter what you're doing or what important meetings or other things you have planned for the day,

[09:04] you basically have to just drop everything and figure it out.

[09:09] And that is a really stressful thing to deal with,

[09:11] especially when it's happening a lot.

[09:14] And so. And this was something that was really hard for me, not only because my husband and I don't have a huge support system locally and so we really didn't have people we could ask for help.

[09:25] But also I wanted to be the one at home taking care of my sick baby.

[09:30] But leaving to pick her up so that I could take care of her also made me feel guilty for leaving work because I knew people were counting on me there too,

[09:40] and so I could go on and on. These are obviously just a few examples of the many, many challenges we dealt with and that I know so many other working moms deal with too.

[09:50] And then at home, you know, I was frustrated with my husband because we were both working full time jobs, but I felt like the majority of the

parenting stuff fell on me.

[10:00] So anyway, you know, about a year or so later after my daughter was born, I started to notice that I was being emotionally affected. More and more.

[10:10] At the time I didn't realize. Looking back, I now realize that I was burned out. But at the time I didn't recognize that that's what it was.

[10:17] But I eventually realized that that particular job just was not a good fit for me anymore for where I was in my life and what I really wanted. You know, one of the things that's important to realize is that it's okay to shift and adapt as your life does,

[10:32] and then you can always shift and adapt again later.

[10:35] So that's what I did. I left my job at the agency and went into private practice so that I could work for myself and have the flexibility I wanted while raising My daughter.

[10:45] Now, this, of course, came with its own set of challenges, but I'm not going to get into those today.

[10:52] You know, no job is perfect, but private practice really felt like the best thing for me at the time for where I was in my life.

[11:01] So fast forward from there about four years. And my son was born at the very start of the COVID shutdown.

[11:09] And I mean, the very start. So the very first day that my daughter was home, because all the schools and daycares and everything else was closed, closing in March of 2020.

[11:18] So while all of that was happening,

[11:20] I was in the hospital having a baby,

[11:22] which obviously brought on a bunch of new and different kinds of challenges.

[11:27] And all of this is just to say that raising kids while having a career has been one of the most difficult things I have ever done,

[11:35] but it also shaped me into the person,

[11:39] mother, and career woman that I am today.

[11:42] You know, I learned how to set healthier boundaries. I learned how to speak up for what I needed, and I did my own mindset work. You know, I learned to focus on what I can control,

[11:51] let certain things go,

[11:53] and just see my life in a big picture kind of way.

[11:58] And now I'm managing everything and taking care of myself much better than I was able to back then.

[12:04] And then in addition to everything I experience in my personal life,

[12:08] I also obviously, you know, I work as a therapist,

[12:11] and I've worked with a lot of other women, you know, other working moms struggling with their own versions of the same thing, you know, managing careers with their families, their home lives,

[12:21] and themselves. And I've helped them learn how to manage it all, too.

[12:26] And so then as my kids got older and more independent, you know, I started to realize that I wanted something more, which is how I started thinking about coaching. You know, I started following some other therapists who are now coaches, learning a lot about it and realizing that I could continue to shape my life in the way that I wanted while reaching and supporting more moms.

[12:48] And this is just something that I'm so passionate about. I know there are so many other moms out there going through very similar things.

[12:56] So now I use my role as a coach to help other emotionally exhausted, career minded moms to overcome burnout so they can also feel more energized, so they can feel more like themselves again, so they can prioritize their needs without guilt, so they can be more patient and present at home.

[13:12] And this podcast is part of that. You know, it's a way for me to hopefully reach and help other moms in a much larger way and give them a way to feel seen and supported,

[13:23] knowing that they are definitely not alone,

[13:26] that there are other moms out there who have been through it, who who are currently going through it and who really, really get it.

[13:34] So I just want to say thank you so much for being here.

[13:39] You know, in these episodes you are going to hear a mix of me talking about different topics that are hopefully going to be helpful for you.

[13:47] You're going to hear practical strategies and how to manage things. You're going to hear from other professionals,

[13:52] other moms sharing their stories.

[13:55] You're going to hear it all.

[13:57] So if any of this resonates with you, or if you know other moms who are struggling,

[14:01] please, please feel free to let them know about this. Podcast episodes will be released every Tuesday.

[14:07] And as I mentioned, part of my reason for doing this is to help as many moms as possible.

[14:13] And I want us all to be able to support each other.

[14:17] I also just want to let you all know about my free Facebook group, Thrive as a Career Minded Mom.

[14:22] That's another place that I give tips and other resources.

[14:26] And if you ever need more support or think you might be interested in coaching or just want to see some of the other things that I've done,

[14:32] please feel free to visit my website at www.christigmyrcoaching.com. It is all in there and, and you'll be able to find all of that information in the show notes.

[14:41] So anyway,

[14:44] I am just again, I'm just so glad that you're all here.

[14:47] You know, there are a lot of us and you are definitely not alone.